Of Muggleborns and James Potter
by mAd4H-p
Summary: Between ages 16 and 18 Lily goes through many changes in her relationships, and in realising her place in the world. James/Lily with onesided Severus/Lily. Will be rated M for a reason.
1. Cokeworth

It's been a long time since I have written any kind of fanfiction, or any kind of fictional story at all for that matter. However, news of the upcoming return to the magical world has driven me back here as I felt inspired for the first time in a long time to write something. So here it is… this will be a story primarily about Lily, the story will focus on her changing relationships between the start of her sixth year and the end of her seventh, as well as her trying to work out her place in a world which rejects her. Pairings will be James/Lily and one-sided Severus/Lily.

This first chapter may be a bit slow since its just Lily in her muggle life before her sixth year, and I'm sorry there's no James/Lily interaction but don't worry, it will come and will be plentiful. Hope you enjoy.

"So… this summer's been fun yeah?" Lily began the inevitable conversation with the muggle boy she had been dating most of the summer.

"Yeah…" Pete replied looking slightly unsure what to say next, "…but you'll be going back to your boarding school soon?"

"Next week," said Lily smiling.

She had spent the majority of the summer in the arms of this cute boy. While the summer originally had promised to be the worst one so far it soon took a positive turn. She had reconnected with an old friend from primary school called Angela within a week of returning from Hogwarts, who had immediately dragged Lily off to a local music festival for a weekend. It turned out this was exactly what Lily needed, a weekend of illegal substances and alcohol combined with rock music, and it got even better when Angie had introduced Lily to her cousin, Pete. He had been lovely, so open and boyish, so...normal. For the first time in a while Lily felt so at ease, her problems in the wizarding world left to the side.

But the return to Hogwarts was looming, the return to the world where she was under constant threat. For the first time Lily almost wished she wasn't going. Almost.

Sweet muggle boys certainly had no place in that world.

"We always knew this was gonna just be this summer," she added.

"I know," he smiled back, "but you're such a foxy lady," his grin widened as Lily laughed, "It's just a shame."

"Hmm you're rather pretty yourself," Lily replied reaching over to kiss him, he snaked his hands around her waist, "But it's just how things are."

He looked slightly put out for a moment but seemed to decide just to make the most of their last day when Lily kissed him again.

The goodbye at his front door was more gutting than Lily had thought it would be, even with his mum watching like a hawk to check they weren't getting too amorous. She probably should have hurried home from work and kept an eye on them while they were upstairs Lily thought with a smirk as she began the walk back through the Cokeworth estate to her house. As she walked she found herself nervously looking around, unsure whether or not she actually wanted to catch a glimpse of greasy black hair. That particular boy had been completely absent from her summer so far, something which Lily had generally been grateful for. Yet there were other times where Lily had indulged herself in a fantasy where Severus Snape had shown up at the front door of her family home and begged her to forgive him.

Then again. _You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine._ She had laid that down pretty firmly.

"Mum?" She called as she walked in through her front door. She received no answer. It was weird having such a quiet home, previous summers would have at least provided a response from Petunia telling her to be quiet or her grandma would have called for her to come watch something on the BBC. Now Petunia was in London doing some sort of typing course and her grandma was gone.

 _And your mum may soon follow_ came a nasty voice in her head.

No, she told herself firmly, mum will be _fine_. Yet the sick feeling remained in her stomach, and she couldn't help herself going upstairs to check that her mother wasn't lying there… ugh she didn't even want to finish that sentence.

Having satisfied herself that her mum was fine, _probably just popped out to the shop_ , Lily set about making herself a cup of tea and lost herself in her thoughts. It wasn't that she didn't miss Hogwarts, merlin she missed Hogwarts itself, and magic, she longed for the day that she would be able to cast spells at her leisure without receiving a warning letter from the ministry for underage magic. She missed her friends- including the one she could no longer reasonably consider a friend- she missed her classes.

She didn't miss the increasing tension which was building between Gryffindor and Slytherin, she didn't miss Mulciber's sadistic threats against her friends, she didn't miss having mudblood hissed at her every time she was in the corridors, and she didn't miss having to work twice as hard as any pureblood to _still_ be disrespected. She certainly didn't miss watching one of her oldest friends be seduced by a group which wanted to wipe people like her from existence. Or explaining to the other muggleborns among her friends why she defended him so much. _Well, I suppose the last two aren't relevant anymore_ , she considered with a lump in her throat.

The sound of keys in the doorway broke her out of her reverie. She heard the distinct sound of her dad sighing and she felt a pang in her chest for him. _He could be left all alone._

"Hey dad," she called with a forced calm, "good day at work?"

"Nothing special," the smiling face of Jack Evans appeared in the kitchen doorway, "where's mine?" he indicated the mug in her hand.

"Make it yourself!" Lily grinned at him, relaxing.

"Hmph, Petunia would have had it ready for me,"

"Yeah well, Petunia ain't here," Lily immaturely stuck her tongue out at her dad.

He chuckled, "that's true, it's been weird just having you around for the past month, I forget how gobby you are when you're away. Usually after listening to Petunia natter about nonsense I almost start to miss you, this time it's the other way round,"

Lily laughed at him, "whatever dad, I-" she was cut off at the sound of her mum now coming through the door. The once very beautiful face of Violet Evans appeared in the kitchen doorway as her husband had. Just last Christmas when Lily visited she had still maintained her vivacious youth, now she sometimes looked like she was lucky to even be standing on two feet.

"Sit down love," her dad immediately pulled out a chair for his wife and grabbed another mug from the cupboard.

"Oh I'm fine, don't fuss me Jack!" Being ill hadn't made Violet weak willed that was for sure. Yet she still sat down.

Lily spent the evening just hanging out with her parents, wondering whether these next few nights would be the last she would get to spend with both of them, the speed at which Violet had deteriorated was another reason Lily was reluctant to go back this year. Eventually her dad dismissed himself saying he was going to read in bed and Violet pulled out a cigarette before turning to Lily.

"So…what happened with that lovely boy of yours?" she asked with a smile, lighting her cig.

"We ended it today like I said we would," Lily began with a sad smile, "Some things…well…it wouldn't have worked long term, and we agreed that it was only gonna be this summer when we started. Plus, imagine his reaction if I send him a letter using an owl…"

Violet chuckled a bit at that, "He would probably be a bit surprised yes, though from what you've told me about his mum it would probably be worth it for her reaction."

Lily laughed with her "Yeah I still think Petunia would have got along well with her,"

Violet gave her a little scowl but didn't pursue it. "And your job?"

"Did my last shift this morning, Mr Patel says that I can come back next summer if I want to by the way, and I got paid so I've got money to change at Diagon Alley on Saturday," a pause.

"Erm, do you think you'll be able to make it?" she added tentatively.

"Of course!" Violet exclaimed with a scoff, "like I'd miss possibly my last chance to enter the wizarding world," This was met by a silence from Lily, "Oh! Lily I didn't mean like that, I just mean that next summer you'll be 17 and able to what was it? Apparate?" Lily looked up into her mums face, her reassuring smile firm, "I promise you I'll still be around!"

For a moment Lily believed that the strength of her mum's conviction would be enough in itself to see her through to next year. Then Lily looked again, she saw the drawn skin, the tired eyes. The cigarette in her mothers' hand.

"Quite frowning at that young lady!" her mum said gesturing for Lily to look her in the eye and taking a drag, "and besides, are you telling me that I wouldn't find _your_ packet if I looked under your pillow right now?"

Lily gasped, "How did you-"

"Don't leave your bed unmade before you go out in future. Or find a better hiding place at least."

Lily was forced to smile guiltily, "I don't do it often,"

"And you'll blame Severus I'm sure," said her mum raising an eyebrow.

Lily shifted, it was true that she had picked up the habit because of Severus, though she had been the one who decided to steal that first one from him. However, the reason she felt uncomfortable was not due to her mum's accusations but more to do with what she knew was coming next.

"and again Lily, where is Severus?"

"He's-" Lily had no real answer, she didn't want to tell her parents about her fall out with Severus because it would mean telling them about the bigger problems in the wizarding world. So far she had kept that a secret, "We just aren't as close as we used to be, that's all."

"Hmm," Lily could tell her mum clearly knew she wasn't being honest but didn't push it.

Soon after her mum excused herself and went to bed Lily decided to quickly have a cigarette- since it was apparently not a secret and she was a big hypocrite- before sleeping herself. She had to admit that the habit had become a lot more frequent this summer, at least Mary would forbid her to do it in the Gryffindor dorm, she'd have to cut back then. She had considered explaining _everything_ about the wizarding world to her mum and dad; all of the problems which were happening. How people like her were starting to 'disappear', how there was a group of people in Hogwarts who felt like she had no place in that world. She had considered it, but she couldn't. She wanted her parents to think she was safe, that she was living a fantasy life which would never be accessible to them.

Stubbing out the remainder of her cig she went back upstairs to her bed, she found her chubby ginger cat stretched out across the whole width of her pillow.

"Selfish," muttered Lily as she picked him up to move him over, two reproachful eyes suddenly snapped open and a paw swatted at her face.

"Yeah, yeah, we go through this every bloody night," she stroked him to calm him down, "you ready to go back to Hogwarts?" she whispered. She was rewarded with his purring as he settled back down next to her, "least one of us is."


	2. Diagon Alley

In this chapter Lily goes to Diagon Alley where she runs into a very familiar someone.

* * *

Lily knew when she wasn't wanted, so when, during the drive to London, her mum told her that she and Jack would be going to see Petunia for an hour when they arrived she immediately shot down the idea of her going too.

"Nope!"

"Oh Lily, she's your sister!" her mum shot back, "whatever problems you may have you should still see her,"

"Well I _really_ doubt that she wants to see me!" Lily drawled back.

Violet opened her mouth as if to argue back but seemed to realise that she had nothing to say. Lily's dad winked at her through the rear view mirror and Lily smirked back. It wasn't that Lily didn't want to see Petunia really. Well… it was. Yet if she thought Petunia would in any way resemble the girl she had grown up with, the girl she had lost when she went to Hogwarts, she would have happily gone with them. That girl had loved her little sister. Yet Petunia had grown more and more resentful over the years, and increasingly uptight and hateful when it came to Lily.

Lily didn't need that kind of hatred directed at her from her own sister.

So it was decided that Violet and Jack would meet Petunia at the local tube station while Lily went to Gringotts to change her money, then in an hour or so she would meet them outside the muggle Leaky Cauldron entrance to let them in to Diagon Alley.

* * *

After changing the money she had made over summer into galleons she decided to head down to Madam Malkin's to grab her new school robes. This would be the task her parents were least interested in, she wouldn't take away their opportunity to visit the apothecary or Flourish and Blotts.

After getting herself measured (and finding out to her pleasure that she had gone up a cup size over the summer) Lily was given her new school robes. She went to have a quick look round the rest of the shop out of politeness, though she generally preferred to wear muggle clothes when given the option, when she spotted none other than James Potter accompanied by an older couple (Lily assumed his parents) looking at some dress robes in the corner. Deciding she really didn't want to have _that_ encounter she hurriedly paid for her clothes before hurrying towards the door.

"Evans!" She heard a pleased voice exclaim behind her. _Oh crap_. She turned around to look him in the eye, immediately his hand was running through his hair.

"Hey Potter…" she cautiously began, taking in how much taller he appeared to be "erm…how've you been?"

She was very aware that the last time they had really interacted it hadn't gone very well. Honestly, it had been dreadful. Between him blackmailing her to go out with him in exchange for Severus's safety and her telling him he made her sick neither of them had come off very well. While he now looked slightly shifty it appeared he was mostly over the events of the exam period, and his crush on her didn't appear to have gone anywhere if she was reading his eager expression correctly.

"I've been good!" An awkward silence followed, "I'm just here with my mum and dad," he indicated the rather elderly but well-dressed couple behind him, Lily looked round at them and noticed they were watching her with interested, all-too-knowing expressions on their faces. Lily was quite surprised by their appearance, she had known that the Potter's were older than parents normally were, but Mr and Mrs Potter were _old._ Maybe that explained why James thought the universe orbited around him.

"Hey I should introduce you!" and before she had time to object he had turned around, "mum, dad, this is Lily Evans."

She received a warm smile from each of them and they exchanged 'it's nice to meet you's.

"Well I've definitely heard your name from James here on more than one occasion," said Mr Potter clasping a hand to his clearly mortified son's back.

"No dad, you definitely haven't," James added pointedly, once again running a hand through his hair,

"James don't do that!" scolded his mum, amusing Lily.

"Mum!" James snapped back, before turning back to Lily, "are you on your own Evans?"

"No actually, my mum and dad just went to see my sister for an hour, she's working in London at the moment."

To his credit if James thought it odd that Lily hadn't gone to see her sister with her parents he didn't make a fuss of the matter. He actually looked rather excited, "well do you fancy joining us for a bit? Padfoot … erm Sirius I mean… is around somewhere too, we were going to get something to eat after we finish here,"

"Ah, that's ok, they should be back soon actually, I've got to go meet them outside the Leaky Cauldron so they know where to come in you see,"

For a second he looked slightly put out but soon recovered and his grin was back in place, "Ok Evans, I'll see you around,"

Lily said her goodbyes before heading out of the shop and back towards the Leaky Cauldron. It had been odd seeing Potter with his parents, he had seemed a lot more like an embarrassed little boy than the arrogant quiddich hero he was at Hogwarts. Yet Lily couldn't get the image of Severus hanging upside down out of her head, and when she looked at Potter she saw Severus calling her mudblood. Maybe that wasn't fair, but blaming James Potter was easy. She had to admit to herself that last year she'd had a bit of a thing for James, not on the same level as it appeared he had for her, but there was an attraction there which she'd hated herself for. Though it didn't change that she thought him a bully, because he undeniably was. Now however she didn't know what she felt. The summer had been an excuse to not face how she was feeling about many things in the wizarding world, a chance to forget if only for a moment. But reality was looming.

Lily almost snorted out loud to herself, how messed up is your life when your time in Cokeworth seems like the fantasy and your time in a magical castle is the reality?

* * *

"We tried to convince Petunia to come see you-" her mum began.

"Well your mum did," her dad muttered to Lily under his breath.

"-but she said that she had a date for lunch, headed off to get ready,"

This made Lily's ears perk up, Petunia had never shown much inclination to date anyone. Maybe she thought too low of the boys in Cokeworth, or maybe she pretended not to want to date anyone because no one ever looked her way. Lily felt mean thinking it but it was undeniably true, the sour face she permanently wore these days probably didn't help.

"Really?!" she asked with a grin, "Did she say anything about who she was meeting?"

"Well she's working part time now while she does her typing course, seems she met him there, probably older as she said he had some sort of junior executive position."

Well that sounded about right, Lily thought, she couldn't imagine Petunia with anyone but some stiff office worker, _probably even has a moustache, probably wears suits to bed_.

Her parents were as impressed as ever by Diagon Alley. At least everything seemed alright here. With all the random disappearances Lily had had a moment on the journey down to London where she felt foolish for even asking her parents to come along. Then again she wasn't sure how she would have managed to bring along all of her stuff without them since she still couldn't use magic. They were staying at a hotel for the night before Lily got the Hogwarts Express as they usually did, so they had driven down with all her luggage. It would be much easier next year when she could just appear somewhere with a _crack._ At least she wouldn't have to compromise the safety of the little family she had remaining.

It was at Florean Fortescue's that Lily once again ran into James Potter, _the wizarding world needs another shopping district_ she thought with an internal sigh. He and his parents had found Black, who fixed her with his usual haughty expression before nudging James with his elbow and indicating Lily. He glanced around at her before running his hand through his hair yet again. She rolled her eyes to herself, but felt a small smile creep onto her lips even as she did it.

"Who's that you're looking over at Lil?" Her dad asked when she brought the ice creams over to their table.

"That's …nobody," she replied hoping he'd drop it.

"That's no way to talk about me Evans!"

She tensed a little as the subject of the discussion sat in the vacant chair on their table. Glancing at her parents, her dad looking like he didn't know whether to laugh or not and her mum looking startled, she conceded, "Okay, mum, dad, this is James Potter, he's a Gryffindor like me."

He gave them each a grin and shook their hands.

"Your name sounds familiar to me," her mum said looking at him curiously. He looked simply delighted.

"Not from me," Lily hissed back to her.

"Aww Evans, I think you've been talking about me!" He grinned at her cheekily.

"Only nice things," she replied sarcastically.

"Least I'm on your mind,"

"So James, am I right in thinking you've taken a fancy to my daughter?" Lily's dad questioned, with his mock stern face on. Lily felt her face go pink, this could only go badly. Glancing over at James's table she found that his parents and Black were all watching the conversation looking amused. No chance of them calling him back over then.

"You are sir. I can't imagine why someone wouldn't like your daughter if I'm honest," James replied with a wide grin, it seemed he wasn't fooled in any way by Jack's stern face, "even if she hasn't been very happy when she's been around me recently."

"Why's that?" asked Lily's dad, genuinely frowning now.

"That doesn't matter dad," Lily interrupted with a pointed look at James, who stopped talking.

There was a moment of silence before James stood up with a "It was nice to meet you Mr and Mrs Evans," and then, "I'll see you at Hogwarts," to Lily.

Lily shook her head, wondering what James had got out of that little meeting. Her mum however turned to her and said under her breath, "I'm sure I remember that name, perhaps Severus…"

"No idea mum," Lily interrupted, "maybe, yeah,"

"Well he seems very…forward," her dad offered, "but not the bad sort."

Lily felt a sudden urge to complain about everything that had happened after the DADA O.W.L, she needed to vent. She hadn't had chance to let out her feelings to anyone yet. There had mere days between taking the exam, processing what had happened and getting on the Hogwarts Express back to the muggle world where she had proceeded to bury her feelings deep. _James, Severus. Mudblood._ It was all just one big mess circling round in her head.

She couldn't though, she'd never even mentioned the prejudice against muggleborns to her parents before, how could she even begin to explain what was going on. Maybe they would even ask her not to go back if they knew. As for Hogwarts friends, well there were only so many feelings you could get out in letters. She had a feeling they might be forced to endure a rant on the Hogwarts Express tomorrow.


	3. Potions

"How was the prefect meeting?" Lily asked Mary as she entered the compartment.

"New head girl seems like she'll be useless," Mary scoffed, "It's that Bates girl from Hufflepuff, she's not what I'd consider a leader,"

"Why her?" laughed Marlene, "she's so meek,"

"Who knows, but we are stuck with her, and Aubrey is Head boy,"

"Well least he's cute eh Lils?" Marlene nudged her laughing and Lily grinned back. When they had been fourth years and Bertram Aubrey a fifth year the two had often spend many a day in the library distracted by his presence.

"Ah he's a jerk really," Lily wrinkled her nose, "but yeah, nice to look at."

"Speaking of jerks who you find nice to look at, you were saying something about how you ran into James Potter in Diagon Alley"

"Thought he was your friend?" Lily asked smiling.

"Well he is, but I'm more than willing to admit he was a jerk all last year,"

Lily snorted, "Obviously, look at the defence exam,"

"But so was Snape!" Mary interjected, "You aren't still on his side are you?" She looked pained, and Lily knew she was thinking of the incident where Mulciber had cursed her; Severus hadn't done anything.

"I'm not. You'll be glad to know I haven't made up with him, and I won't. But it doesn't take away the fact that I feel so hurt looking at him or Potter," Lily replied, "I sort of forgot how I felt over summer, but seeing him brought it all back,

"It's probably not fair of me to tie him to Severus in that way, but I just…can't help it. Even though I am _so_ angry at Severus, not just for calling me Mudblood, for _everything,_ there's a stupid, small part of me that really wanted to hold onto him because of everything he represents. But Potter took that away from me."

Marlene and Mary exchanged looks, "Maybe it's healthy that it's gone," Marlene said gently, "you aren't responsible for that boy's issues,"

"I know but-"

"No Lily I don't think you do," Mary added firmly, "I think in your mind you'd actually made yourself responsible for 'saving him'. Every summer you would come back thinking that you'd turned a corner, that things would be as they were, but as soon as he was back in that Slytherin dorm you know he was plotting dark magic against people like _us._ " She indicated Lily and herself looking a little impatient.

"And as much as James was an idiot and probably shouldn't have been as harsh on Snape as he was, he isn't responsible either," Marlene added.

There was a silence while Lily took in their words, they were right of course; Severus was the only one responsible for his own actions, and there was no way she was going to get back the little boy she used to visit the park with.

The sweets trolley came round as the talk turned to the quiddich team.

"I think I'm actually going to try out this year," Marlene said, "I got plenty of practice over the summer. I'm better than some who were on the team last year anyway," she added rolling her eyes.

"Well it wouldn't be hard," teased Lily, "I think Potter might be the only reason we didn't place last,"

Marlene snorted, "for sure, it was such a terrible year. Will you two come watch me try out?"

"Of course, you'll get on the team _or_ completely embarrass yourself. Either way that's a winner for me."

"Oh har har,"

Lily and Mary laughed, it felt like a weight had been lifted from Lily's shoulders. As much as she had been conflicted about returning the wizarding world always was the place she felt the most comfortable. This really was her reality; talking about quiddich, eating oddly flavoured jelly sweets. Whatever was happening in the wider wizard world she knew she'd be mad to actually let any of it go.

* * *

Entering the Great Hall Lily spotted Professor Slughorn up on the teachers table who gave her a jovial wave. She waved back with a grin.

"Wow, swot" Mary teased.

"Whatever, Miss Prefect,"

They were quickly joined by the Marauders; to Lily's slight relief it was Remus Lupin who sat down next to her. A slightly pouting James Potter sat down opposite her next to Marlene.

"Well there's no need to pull that face," frowned Marlene.

"Sorry McKinnon, you aren't as attractive as Evans I'm afraid,"

"Prat,"

Dumbledore stood up to make his introduction speech and the group fell silent. It seemed that James didn't mind not sitting next to Lily that much. After the sorting ceremony Lily noticed he seemed to be taking advantage of the fact that he could easily look at her. The third time she caught him gazing at her she felt she had to say something.

"Have I got something on my face?"

"Yeah, there's gravy dribbling down your chin,"

Lily's hand immediately went to wipe it. She felt nothing. James and Sirius laughed together.

"Joking Evans, I just think you're pretty,"

"Toerag,"

"Honestly Prongs, the Gryffindor girls are so rude in our year don't you think?" Sirius said, "Always calling us names,"

"Yes Padfoot, unoriginal names at that, I lost count of the number of times I was called toerag by this one last year," James imitated the lofty voice Sirius had used.

Lily narrowed her eyes, the voice they were imitating was a voice she sometimes used, James grinned at her.

"I'll make sure I'm more original from now on," she said.

"I look forward to it,"

"I can think of a few if you would like some help," Remus mock whispered to Lily.

"Ah don't worry, I got it covered," Lily said with an exaggerated wink.

Other than Lily getting teased by Marlene when she took her second helping of treacle tart ("But I haven't had any _all_ summer,") the rest of dinner was fairly uneventful, when Dumbledore eventually dismissed them to go to bed Lily, Mary and Marlene found the other two Gryffindor girls in the dorm.

"We couldn't find you on the train," Lily explained to Bethany Vane and Dorcas Meadows.

"Ah that's ok, we actually got on really late," Dorcas rolled her eyes, "this one forgot her makeup bag,"

"Well you lot are the ones who have to see me in the morning," Beth retorted, "really I was doing you all a favour,"

Lily wasn't as close to either Dorcas or Beth as she was to the other girls (or honestly even some people she knew in Ravenclaw), but she liked them well enough, and the five of them had started hanging out more during the exam period last year.

Dorcas snorted, "like it helps," a pillow was promptly thrown in her face, "Lily, you heard who is quiddich captain this year?" she continued as if nothing had happened. Dorcas had been on the team last year; she wasn't _that_ great but was far from the worst player.

"Er…Stebbings?" Lily replied thinking of the seventh year who had been on the team a couple of years now.

"Nope, James." Dorcas revealed with a grin.

"Really?" Marlene exclaimed, "I'll definitely get on the team now, ha! Wonder why he didn't actually say anything, that boy doesn't usually miss a bragging opportunity!" she added looking confused.

Lily furrowed her brow, she had immediately wondered the same.

* * *

At breakfast next morning Lily sat and waited for Professor McGonagall to approve her lesson choices, she was fairly confident in how she had done with the exception of transfiguration. She had managed an E but thinking back to the almost fail that was her practical exam made her think she was in for a bit of a lecture from her head of house.

She was proven correct.

"Potions, charms, defence against the dark arts, care of magical creatures and herbology are all completely fine, I know Slughorn especially was raving about your grade in his class. Transfiguration is also fine but I do recommend that you put more time into practicingspells this year, your practical work often drags down your excellent theory grades,"

"I will, professor," Lily inwardly groaned, she _did_ practice, it just didn't really work out for her. Up until third year she had always enjoyed the subject, but then something changed and she just wasn't able to master some of the spells no matter how much she practiced.

As the first bell went she said her goodbyes to everyone and headed off to care of magical creatures alone, out of her friend group she was the only one who thought the subject worth anything. She had been raised to admire nature and all of its animals. Despite being raised in the industrial wonderland that was Cokeworth her parents had always taken her out to the countryside whenever possible. Then reading Newt Scamander's work at Hogwarts had influenced her further, it wasn't a permanent career path for her but she loved the idea of one day spending a year travelling the world in search of magical creatures.

Her real future belonged in either charms or potions though. Maybe both. She could see herself as an Auror for some time and then settling down to brew away in her own little apothecary when she grew too old for it.

Morning classes went by fairly quickly and before she knew it the afternoon bell was ringing and she was heading down to the dungeons with Dorcas and Mary for her first potions lesson of the year. So far she had not seen a certain former childhood friend of hers, he hadn't taken either care of magical creatures or herbology and she had avoided looking over at the Slytherin table, but it would be foolish to think she wouldn't see him in the now much smaller potions class.

Sure enough the only other two Gryffindors were James and Sirius. Also waiting for Slughorn were a Hufflepuff girl Lily didn't really know and three Ravenclaws; one of whom was Lily's friend Lance Edgecome who smiled when he saw her. So far there seemed to be no sign of anyone from Slytherin. Odd.

"How have you been Lily?" Lance asked as she walked up in his slightly posh voice. Lance was related to many of the posh pureblood families, though he himself seemed to not think this mattered it didn't stop him from giving off an air of importance. Lily liked him regardless though.

"Not bad, glad to be back here,"

"I'll bet, must be frightfully hard for you to not be around magic all summer,"

She was about to answer when Slughorn opened the door to the dungeons. Lily had always liked Slughorn, she wasn't _entirely_ sure why that was as she should have been outright offended the time back in second year when he was so shocked she was muggleborn. Yet he had continued to dote on her regardless and in fourth year when she had been old enough to come to the Slug Club parties he had not hesitated to invite her. She had got closer to him from there, he was almost like her Hogwarts father in her mind. Sometimes she felt a little guilty for lapping up his special attention of her when so often her friends were overlooked but she wasn't willing to make him stop. His attention may one day be the difference between her getting a job or not.

"Welcome back everyone," Slughorn boomed as they walked through the door, "welcome back Miss Evans, Mr Edgecome,"

Apparently being one of his favourites even got you a special greeting.

As she entered the dungeons Lily's breath caught in her throat, her green eyes met the black eyes of Severus Snape already in his seat with two other Slytherins. _Oh joy, Mulciber and Avery got in this class_. She quickly looked away, her stomach clenching. She sat down with the girls, and found that they were joined rapidly by James and Sirius. The former of whom sat in the seat next to Lily and appeared to be giving Lance Edgecome death glares. Lily smiled at the Ravenclaw apologetically who shrugged and went to sit with the Hufflepuff and his two Ravenclaw friends.

The dungeon had a wonderful aroma. It reminded Lily simultaneously of treacle tart, grass after it had been raining and a musky smell she couldn't quite place. She had her suspicions on what potion she was smelling, and sure enough she spotted the mother of pearl sheen with a quick look inside the cauldron.

It didn't take long before she found herself inhaling deeply, the potion effecting her ability to think. She could hear Slughorn speaking but couldn't make out the words. She closed her eyes, trying to get a grip of herself, but when she opened them she just became aware of how close James was to her. Had he shifted his chair? His hazel eyes turned to look into her green ones. Her breath caught in her throat again for the second time since entering the dungeon, _though not for the same reason_. James's eyes moved down to her lips, his breathing uneven as she self-consciously licked them-

She was jerked back to reality by an extremely amused looking Mary who grabbed her arm. _What had she been about to do?_ Slughorn didn't seem to have noticed, _thank Merlin_. She focused back on what the professor was saying, but remained oh so very aware of James Potter sitting next to her. It appeared the attraction was still there on her end.

 _Oh help_.

* * *

"He annoyed me," James drawled rolling his eyes, his hands in his hair.

This was one of the things which annoyed Lily most about James Potter, some days he seemed to be of the opinion that everyone was lucky to be in his presence, that Hogwarts was _his_. After they had left the dungeons Lance had walked over to the Gryffindor girls with his Ravenclaw friends, they had all decided to go to the Great Hall together for dinner. Out of nowhere James had aimed a stinging hex at Lance.

"He didn't do anything to you!"

"Ah Evans, Prongs here was mostly just frustrated that McDonald over there got in his way," Sirius Black grinned at her cheekily, "you two did get really _cosy_ for a moment,"

Lily felt herself blush, "It was just the Armortentia Black,"

"Of course," he replied looking at her interestedly, oddly James looked slightly put out at Lily's explanation.

"Come on Padfoot," he sighed, "bye Evans!" and the two of them left to sit with the other Marauders.

Lily turned to face Dorcas and Mary who were looking at her like they were about to laugh.

"Well," Mary began, "are you going to tell us what that was about?"

"There's nothing to tell!" Lily lied, not even convincing herself.

"Oh, I think there's something!" Dorcas exclaimed.

"I think nearly everyone in the dungeon saw it was most definitely something," Mary teased, "and you might wanna be more careful, you didn't see the look Snape was sending the two of you."


	4. Party with Mulciber

The first week of term flew by quicker than Lily anticipated as she settled easily back into her Hogwarts routine. Possibly the speed of the week had been due to already being swamped with essays, and Lily's procrastination over said essays. It was undeniable that Newts were far more demanding than Owls had ever been, and with hindsight she couldn't understand why she had been so stressed out last year. She also didn't understand why she had procrastinated so much so far. Sometimes she irritated herself. Not that it was going to stop her going to Slughorn's first meet up tonight. She would just have to work all weekend.

Lily was interested to see who had made the cut this time for Slughorn's favouritism. She knew that Lance would be there, as well as Dirk Cresswell who was in the year below and muggleborn like herself. Likely there would also be the likes of Mulciber who, Lily had to reluctantly admit, was powerful and connected, and appeared to have blinded Slughorn to what he really was. Luckily it was unlikely Severus would be there, while he was brilliant and Slughorn _had_ invited him to a couple of parties in the past because of this, Slughorn had never taken a shine to him the way he had to Lily, and Severus had declined those invites anyway, even with Lily asking him to come along. It seemed doubtful he would change that routine now.

She was the first one to arrive at Slughorn's office at 8 O'clock. He beamed when he saw her.

"Lily! Good to see you my girl! We haven't had much time to speak outside of class, I must say I was extremely pleased with your O.W.L result,"

She grinned happily as she helped herself to mead, "Thanks professor, I must say I was too,"

He chuckled at her. "I've had an idea," he began, "I have a couple of contacts I'd like to set you up with if you'd be interested, for summer work,"

"Oh! Yeah, that would be great actually,"

"I think it would be helpful to show off what you can do before you leave Hogwarts." He continued, "there are some out there who may not be as keen to hire you as they would if you were a pureblood. But if we get their attention early, and if you are every bit your charming and talented self I don't see how they could deny you a chance."

Lily paused and looked him for a moment, _why had she never thought of that before_? The thought that she might struggle to get where she wanted after leaving school had genuinely never truly occurred to her. As much as she knew there was a movement happening outside and inside the castle walls against people like her, she thought it was just a group of violent extremists, she'd never considered the general attitude of the wizarding world, how some may be naturally doubtful of her abilities if they didn't know her.

Slughorn was still looking at her expectantly, she forced herself to speak, "What would I be doing?"

"It wouldn't be anything too exciting I'm afraid since you won't have your Newts but I am very well acquainted with the current owner of Slug and Jiggers apothecary, you'd be able to show them how talented you are at brewing."

Lance and Dirk walked in at that moment.

"Well give it a think over, there's plenty of time before I'll have to contact them," Slughorn said to Lily before turning to the two boys, "oho! Good to see you, boys!"

It was a tempting offer, she'd worked a lot over this summer anyway and at least this way she'd most likely be doing something a bit more exciting than standing on a shop counter selling newspapers.

"How you doing Lily?" Dirk smiled at her as he sat down next to her with Lance on his other side, "feels good to be back doesn't it?"

Slughorn had turned to greet the Slytherins who had arrived, Mulciber among them.

"Definitely," smiled Lily, "though I don't wish to scare you but Newts are already far more intense than anything you'll be doing this year,"

"Told you," Lance pointedly nodded to his fellow Ravenclaw, "you're complaining about nothing mate," he turned to Lily, "he was whining all the way here about how much work he's got,"

"Multiply that amount by ten," said Lily with a bit of a sinking feeling, _maybe she shouldn't have come out_.

"Well, in my defence I've been spending a lot of my free time on prefect activities this week," Dirk jumped in.

"Oh I didn't know you'd been given that, well done!" Lily smiled at Dirk.

"Cheers Lily," he grinned looking pleased with himself.

"I knew you'd get it!" Boomed Slughorn clasping Dirk on the shoulder, "I even recommended it be you to Filius! It appears he agreed."

Lily thought she knew what was coming next.

"I'm still disappointed that you weren't chosen last year my dear," he said to Lily shaking his head, "I even told Minerva myself that you were the only Gryffindor girl with the necessary leadership qualities,"

It wasn't the first time Lily had heard this, it made her a little uncomfortable. In truth she _had_ expected it to be her, why shouldn't it be after all? She knew she'd always had an air about her that meant others followed her, and she got good marks all round. Yet Mary was also very intelligent and maybe McGonagall had seen something in Mary that Lily lacked; like undeniably better organisation skills. It also wasn't like Lily was the only one who felt the need to prove herself constantly as a muggleborn in a school filled with old wizard families, Mary also had that nagging feeling. Who was Lily to feel resentful over her friend's achievement?

"Ahh I don't think I'd have handled everything as well as Mary has sir," Lily smiled at the professor, "and I would've had to tone down my backtalk to you, that would've been impossible,"

* * *

Most of the party was quite fun as always. Some fourth years whom Slughorn had invited for the first time showed up and of course they had to get through the boring tradition of listening to why they were 'oh so special'. Lily was disappointed to see that most of Slughorn's new invitees weren't there for their performances in his classroom but because of their families. Yet she had a laugh with Dirk and Lance as she always did, and the three of them made light-hearted jokes at the expense of Slytherin house which amused Slughorn but most definitely annoyed Mulciber and his companions.

The tone of the evening took a darker turn as they were all eating desert.

"So I was reading Marcus Burke's article in the Prophet this morning," Mulciber announced to Slughorn, not bothering to disguise his glance towards Lily and Dirk, "fascinating stuff. He was saying how …erm… _muggleborns_ are out right refusing to fully integrate into wizarding communities, that they couldn't possibly be able to keep the world a secret if they can't even let go of their simple backgrounds!"

Lily took a deep breath in as she felt Dirk stiffen beside her. He was often like this at parties, phrasing it as if he was wanting to start a legitimate discussion, when really he just wanted to spout whatever propaganda he had read that morning to wind up the muggleborns at these events. That way it would make them look uncivilised if they dared angrily contradict him, and maybe he'd be able to wind them up enough to start a fight with him later. It wouldn't be the first time. Slughorn, while possibly not the most sensitive person to all things muggle, was not prejudiced himself - and certainly hadn't been since he took such a shine to Lily - but was willing to let such conversations slide as long as he felt they were fair and non-aggressive. He couldn't understand how it made them feel and so could hardly be blamed. Especially since Lily had never given Mulciber the satisfaction of her complaints.

"Ah Mr Mulciber!" Slughorn began, "I hardly think Lily and Dirk here will have been bragging to all of their muggle friends about Hogwarts! Having the gift of magic should hardly be a reason to break down friendships after all!"

"and do you mean for us to abandon our families?" Lily added through gritted teeth. _Be civil._ "I promise you, no one but my immediate family knows what I am."

Mulciber shot her a nasty smirk, "Well so you _say_ but are you really sure that you've never accidentally let anything slip,"

"I'm sure," she said firmly, her eyes narrowed, "Even if I did they wouldn't believe me, would probably just think I was being weird if I brought up giants or something. It's not as if muggles are constantly wanting to burn witches in the modern age,"

She glanced at Dirk and the two of them shared an incredulous head shake.

She added with a smirk at Mulciber of her own, "I think if wizards maybe learnt a little more about the muggle world they would understand, I recommend 'The Philosophy of the Mundane', it's such a good look into why your fears are pointless."

"And why should we need to learn about muggles?" Mulciber said, losing his composure a bit.

"Well it makes sense doesn't it?" said Dirk, "you're surrounded by them, they aren't going anywhere, and muggleborn children are going to continue to exist as they always have done,"

"And you never know, maybe you'll produce a squib one day," Lily grinned, "they would basically have to live in the muggle world, wouldn't be fair otherwise,"

Mulciber flushed at her words, but there was nothing he could really say in front of Slughorn who to Lily's satisfaction clasped his hands together and declared her to have made an excellent point. She grinned at Dirk and Lance who gave her a thumbs up. It felt good to shut up a psychopath, especially one who seemed to have avoided any accountability for his actions due to students either not caring about his acts or being afraid to report him on account of his gang of cronies. The gang which included Severus.

* * *

Lily entered back into the Gryffindor dorm about an hour later after walking most of the way with Lance and Dirk. There were very few people left in the common room but she noticed James Potter lounging by the fire looking lost in thought. He turned around when he heard the portrait shut behind her, his hand went to his hair as always and he grinned.

"Alright Evans?" He said as she got closer. He appeared to have raided the kitchen for cake.

The two of them hadn't really spoken that much in the week since they had left potions that afternoon. She had watched Marlene try out for quiddich- for which she had been successful- but had tried not to pay him too much mind, though it was tricky when he had seemed so desperate to make him look his way. A laughing Marlene had later told her how he had almost flown into one of the goal posts when he first noticed her there.

She decided maybe it was time to be civil, after all if she could be polite to Mulciber then she could to James. She sat down in the armchair next to him.

"Did you really need four slices?" She pointed to what she could only describe as a tower of cake.

"Well I'm a growing boy, Evans!"

"I noticed you'd shot up," Lily said before she could stop herself, he really had grown a lot over summer.

He looked a little taken aback, but pleased "Well…I'm glad you did, but the real reason is that mum has stopped making cakes at home after my dad started getting a little portly," he chuckled, "poor man hasn't been allowed anything but carrots for months, I told her it was unfair to punish me too,"

"So you're going to make yourself overweight to spite her?" Lily asked with a smirk.

"Oh I never gain weight," he grinned at her, "I'll be skinny probably till I'm dad's age,"

He offered her a piece of cake. "I've just eaten three courses at Slughorn's," Lily groaned, taking it anyway.

"Well maybe we'll get fat together," James smiled, "maybe you'll even go out with me then,"

"Hmm, not if the giant squid likes it,"

"Still on about the squid huh?"

"Can't help it, did you know he turned me down last year?"

"Ah that'll be my fault, I told him not to be hitting on my girl,"

She smiled at him, surprisingly it felt nice to be able to speak to him. In fifth year before the D.A.D.A incident they had had an …acquaintanceship of sorts due to the Gryffindor girls and boys sometimes hanging out in a group. She couldn't consider him a friend because of who he was and what he did to her friend and to so many others. Plus, there had been the issue of his blatant crush on her which prevented him from acting genuine whenever she was around. She decided she actually quite liked him without the bravado, she had seen it when he was with his parents and she thought she saw it now.

"Where are your followers?" She asked him.

"You mean the boys? I left them in the kitchens,"

" _You_ came back _alone_?" She fake gasped.

"Well maybe I rushed back to see you, but who knows?"

"As if you knew when I was coming back,"

"Oh I have a sense for these things Evans, don't you worry," he gave her a grin.

There was a moment of quiet, "you can call me Lily if you like,"

He sharply turned to her before smiling brightly, he stuck out his hand, "Hi, my name is James,"

She laughed before taking it in hers, "I'm Lily,".


	5. Beginnings

It was after 12 on Sunday night when Lily _finally_ put down her quill.

"I've finished everything!" She declared to nobody in particular.

"Ugh thank Merlin!" Came a reply from Marlene's bed, "you've been such a mardy arse these last couple of days,"

"I'm sorry about that," said Lily with a little pang of guilt, rolling up her essay "under no circumstances are any of you allowed to let me put it off again,"

"Pff, hardly my responsibility," grumbled Marlene turning over to look at Lily, "besides I procrastinate just as much as you, I just don't get so worked up when I realise how much I actually have to do,"

"If the responsibility comes with the chance to boss you around I'll do it!" Mary said.

Lily lay in bed scratching the cat behind his ears, "That's fine. Don't push it though."

"You can't do that! Who'll play wizards chess with me in the free periods if you steal Lily away?" Marlene sounded genuinely annoyed.

"Shh," said Lily glancing toward Dorcas and Beth's closed curtains, "you're so loud! And you could do your own work?"

Marlene scoffed but Lily could just about see through the darkness that she was grinning, "Can't be too good at everything can I? I always beat you at chess. And I'm on the quiddich team now. If I start beating the two of you in class what will you have going for you?"

"Modesty," stated Mary.

"Overrated," yawned Marlene, "and Lily spends so much time looking in the mirror that I don't think that's true. For her at least," she added fairly.

"Hey!" Laughed Lily, "maybe I'm deeply insecure. You wound me," she mockingly clutched her hands to her chest. Unfortunately, she couldn't deny that she did regularly check her appearance, though she must be worse than she thought if people were noticing. She had always been fairly confident about her appearance; her mother had instilled the importance of this early on, but this wasn't why she regularly checked herself in her pocket mirror.

"Ah yeah, and if I ignore your _train_ of admirers I almost believe you," Marlene good naturedly retorted.

" _Train_ ," scoffed Lily.

"Bus then," mumbled Mary sounding like she was half asleep.

Lily said nothing to that. Not that she didn't think that was _still_ an exaggeration, but it seemed pointless to argue. It was true that since fourth year she had never really been without the option of someone to go out with if she wanted. Though it hadn't been often she had accepted as Severus had always been so put out whenever anyone asked her that she felt guilty for considering the boy. That was until around halfway through fifth year when James had first made his interest in her public knowledge, most other boys seemed to quietly back off at that point. It wasn't that James had prevented anyone dating her _really_ , just that he had always somehow managed to drop in on Lily when she was hanging out with whatever boy may have been interested in her at the time.

Hearing Marlene start to snore gently made Lily actually realise what time it was. _Shit_. And she had transfiguration first thing so no chance of a lie in. She pulled her cat towards her to snuggle and with a flick of her wand closed her bed curtains.

Yet after about twenty minutes of trying to get comfy it didn't seem as if sleep was coming. Maybe she was too worked up after frantically writing assignments all day. Instead she found herself wondering about her mum, she hadn't written to her and dad yet. Usually she did it on the first or second day back to let them know she had arrived safely. _How had she forgotten_? The thought circled round and round her head until she knew for certain it wasn't going to go away, this random thought process was not uncommon for Lily who knew that there would be no sleep for her at all if she didn't relent to her unordered brain and pick up her quill once more. What if she forgot in the morning? With an inward sigh she grabbed her parchment and quill from her bed-side table and -after making sure that there were no gaps in the curtain- cast lumos.

 _Dear mum and dad,_

 _I hope you had a good journey back home, I'm so sorry I'm only just writing to you now but I've had such a busy first week._

Lily paused, she was never fully sure what to write about in her letters, while her parents were always happy to hear about magic there was a limit to how much Lily could put and still have the letter make sense. In the end she briefly outlined what she had done in her lessons and said how she was glad to see her friends again.

 _I'm missing the local chippy and my record collection though!_

 _Lots of love,_

 _Lily_

She smiled as she thought how her dad would appreciate the last comment. He was one of the only people in Cokeworth who actually appreciated the place. He was a fairly simple man, only needing chips, cups of tea and fishing trips to keep himself happy. Lily considered adding a PS to ask after her mother's health. She _wanted_ to but maybe that was a bit pushy, she had only seen her mother a week ago after all. Plus, she knew that there was a chance her mum would gloss over any problems anyway, she hated talking about her deteriorating health.

It was as if having the letter ready to send in the morning had made Lily suddenly _feel_ how tired she was. She wouldn't have any problems sleeping now.

* * *

Unsurprisingly Lily was _quite_ tired when the girls started to get ready for the morning lesson. She never had been a morning person anyway but in this case she felt too grumpy to respond with much more than one word answers. She glanced enviously at the still sleeping Dorcas who didn't actually have any lessons today until after lunch.

 _Tea. Tea was desperately needed._ This thought comforted her as she walked down to breakfast with the other girls.

"Lily!" James grinned at her as he walked into breakfast not long after the girls arrived, he plonked himself down on the bench next to her, with the rest of the Marauders following suit.

"Douche-bag!" Lily responded thinking it a creative step up from toerag. She now had her cup of tea and a big plate of scrambled egg and so was feeling much more amicable than she had when she first woke up.

"Heard it before,"

"Damn,"

"Yep, you still need to try harder I'm afraid," he said in mock disappointment.

"The sad thing is I think that coming up with that insult has taken her all week," interjected Sirius from opposite James.

"Actually," began Mary, Lily turned to pout at her and received a grin in response, "she has been procrastinating more than usual…"

"She's been thinking about me then!" James mock gasped, seemingly unable to keep the hope off his face.

"Ahh you've all caught me!" Lily decided to play along, "You'll be the cause of me failing the year James Potter! Maybe we should stay away from each other from now on," she added with a coy look in his direction.

"Err no! You're stuck with me!" James sounding way more serious than Lily had anticipated, "and I don't think your pride would take it if you didn't surprise me with an original insult at least once!"

"Bugger, you got me there," she smiled at him.

It was as James was retorting that Lily got the strangest feeling that someone was watching her very intently. Looking up she met the dark eyes of Severus two tables over, it seemed he'd had a perfect view of the whole happy conversation. She winced at the anger on his face. Anger and hurt. She felt a sick feeling of guilt suddenly build up inside of her.

 _Mudblood._ She determinedly looked down into her food.

"Lily?" She felt James nudge her gently, "Are you-"

She looked towards him as he paused, and saw him looking exactly where she had been mere seconds before, his eyes narrowed and he glanced around at the other Marauders.

"Don't do it." Warned Lily.

"I didn't say anything," James retorted.

"You didn't have to, but I'm telling you. Don't _. Please."_

"I don't think he really deserves your concern Lily," Remus said softly.

"I know." She said firmly, and meaning it, "But it doesn't mean I want to hear of anything happening to him all the same. I still don't like bullying." She added with a pointed look to James. Would he really want to take a chance on their new found … friendliness? Lily hoped not.

* * *

After transfiguration Lily said goodbye to everyone and set off up to the owlery to deliver her parent's letter. The unseasonably warm weather actually made this a rather pleasant journey and she spent a moment looking out of the window admiring the Hogwarts grounds. The light bounced off the Great Lake, where she could see the giant squid thrashing around on the surface.

 _I wonder if you'll still seem preferable to James in a couple of months._ Lily thought as she watched. The truthful part of her brain interjected, _I think you may have already lost mate, sorry._

"Mudblood!" A voice hissed from behind her, she whirled about so fast she felt her shoulder crack, as she reached for her wand she was flung back into the wall. Her head hit the brick with a blinding smack and sent a searing pain all through her body.

"Expelliarmus," her wand went flying. She tried very hard to focus on her attacker.

Mulciber and Avery were stood behind her with very smug smirks in place.

"What do you want?" She demanded still trying hard to look directly at them. The room was spinning so much she thought she might be sick.

"Well, we're just here to teach you some manners," stated Mulciber, "you were just a little bit too jumped up for a Mudblood at Slughorn's party the other night. He may be somehow…charmed … by you," he glanced up and down her with a sneer at that comment, "but I'm not."

He pointed his wand at her again and she felt another crack. Another shoot of pain through her body, he had broken her leg. She let out a scream as she felt the bone shatter. Then suddenly Avery had his wand on her; her screams wouldn't come; she could hardly breath...


	6. The Hospital Wing

The aroma of clean bedding and bright ceiling lamps greeted Lily as she opened her eyes. The hospital wing came swimming into view. Lily had rarely found herself requiring use of this room herself but had spent a significant amount of time here after Mary had been attacked in fifth year.

 _But why was she here now?_ She remembered hurting. _Really_ hurting. A faceless someone pointing his wand on her- _Who?_ She could feel it there, at the back of her mind, but somehow she just couldn't recall.

Madame Pomfrey came bustling into view, "Ah, you're awake! Good. Drink this." She handed Lily a steaming goblet full of a potion Lily recognised as being for healing bones. Of course, she had broken her leg. "That will stop the break re-occuring," continued Madame Pomfrey, "healing spells alone don't always hold up when a bone has been broken by magic,"

"What happened?" asked Lily after she had emptied the goblet.

"I'm afraid you'll have to tell me some of it, a fourth year found you passed out in the owlery about ten hours ago, your friends were informed quickly that you had been brought here and that you would be fine. After classes finished they came here and waited for you to wake up but I sent them away about half an hour ago to stop them getting into trouble for wandering after hours. I healed your leg and bruises quickly enough but it seemed as if the - _nature_ of the spells used on you may have caused minor brain damage which is why you remained passed out," upon seeing Lily's horrified look she added, "just temporary I assure you,"

"I …I can't remember who it was," Lily said in a shaking voice, "I know there was two of them…but I can't picture their faces,"

Lily's admission appeared to cause Madame Pomfrey to reassess the situation as she was suddenly looking at the younger witch with greater concern. She pulled out her wand and pointed it at Lily, muttering a spell Lily didn't recognise. A dark looked passed her features, "It appears as if someone has altered the memory using dark magic… the spell used is not one I recognise,".

Lily took a moment to digest this information, did that mean-

"I'm afraid Miss Evans, that I don't know what it will do or how to undo it at this moment," Madame Pomfrey confirmed Lily's fears. A heavy feeling encompassed Lily at this admission, what would this mean? Spells which effected the brain could do permanent damage. She felt sick.

"I assure you, there will be a solution," insisted Madame Pomfrey before leaving Lily to curl up under the covers, "drink the other potion,".

Lily did as she was told and felt her eyes closing of their own accord, the bed was so comfy-

* * *

It must have been at least a few hours later when she awoke, though a few further moments passed before she realised _why_ exactly it was that she had awoken. She nearly jumped out of bed in shock as she realised that someone was _watching_ her, _someone was sat next to her bed in the dark_ , she began to frantically reach for her folded robes to get her wand.

"Hey, Lily it's _me,_ relax!" whispered a panicked voice.

"James?" gasped Lily relaxing, "shit," she rested her face in her hands, willing her heat-beat to calm down.

"Muffliato," James hastily muttered, pointing towards Madame Pomfrey's office, "I'm so sorry Lily, I didn't mean to scare you! I just knew you were here. I wanted to come see you,"

Lily was sure that if she had been able to see him more clearly he would have been blushing, "It's ok James, I'm just feeling a little jumpy,"

"I know! I didn't think. You weren't even supposed to see me! I was going to sneak back very soon. I just wanted to know you were alright, and I know everyone else did too. The girls were going mad tonight not knowing whether you had recovered or not!"

"Well you can tell them I'm fine," said Lily with a smile, "they can come see me first thing after breakfast if they want,"

"How long will you be in here?" James asked.

"I don't think long, my injuries are all healed actually, but there were just some…complications. Madame Pomfrey might need to check me over again,"

"What complications?" Asked James sharply, "and what actually happened?"

"Just…minor complications," Lily began, "nothing for you to worry about," she added hastily as he made a noise as if to interrupt, "and I went to the owlery, and got…distracted," she felt herself blush as she realised she had been thinking of him, she was very glad they were in semi darkness. "Someone snuck in while I wasn't looking, and-" her voice shook, "well I was very quickly disarmed, I'll say that much."

She felt ashamed, was she not a very capable witch? How had she been overpowered so easily?

"Oh, Lily," James sounded horrified, "Who the fuck attacked you?" he snarled. She started at his abrupt change in tone.

"I-I don't actually know," she trembled, "It's like they've been removed from the memory." _Pitiful_.

A silence followed, James seemed at a loss for words. "I'll get whoever it was!" he finally blurted out.

"Believe it or not, I don't actually need someone to fight my battles for me, James." She hadn't meant for it to come out so harsh sounding, but she couldn't let him think she was some pathetic damsel in distress.

"I don't think you do!" James sounded scandalised that she would think that, "I just want to help!"

Lily softened, "I know," and she surprised herself by reaching out for his hand to give it a squeeze. He had quite big hands; long fingers. "But promise me you won't just attack anyone without knowing for sure! I can't just let people think I need some Pureblood to rough up potential attackers,"

"What has me being Pureblood got to do with anything?" He sounded genuinely offended, but for Lily there was no point pretending it didn't matter now.

"It's got everything to do with it! I don't think it takes a genius to work out why they targeted me of all people. I remember the word Mudblood being thrown around."

She felt him flinch slightly at the last word, "well, we both know someone who has called you that!"

"Lots of people have called me that, James! I know what you're implying, but you're wrong, I don't believe that _he_ did this."

"How can you be _sure_?"

"I just am." Her firmness seemed to calm him. She felt his fingers squeeze hers for a moment, his other hand coming to close around the other side of her own.

"Okay." He said finally, "If you're sure. But I really do want to help you find out who did it!"

She smiled softly in the darkness, "thank you," she also clasped her free hand around his, stroking the back of his hand with her thumb. He seemed to stop breathing. They sat like that for a moment before Lily thought of something, "Wait! It's got to be _so_ late! You shouldn't even be here! I don't want you to get in trouble!"

He laughed at her, "ah don't worry Lily, when am I not in trouble? Besides, I have my tricks to get back,"

"Like what?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" he said smugly, "We'll have to get much closer for you to find out my secrets Lily, if you know what I mean,"

"Hmm I bet I do know what you mean," Lily drawled, though she couldn't deny the slight thrill she had felt at his joke, "but you're sure you'll be able to get back undetected?"

"Yeah don't worry," he assured her waving a dismissive hand.

"Well you do get caught a lot," retorted Lily, "from my point of view it seems as if you aren't very clever with your rule breaking,"

He laughed at her, "Ah you don't even hear about half the things we do," he said with an exaggerated mysterious tone, "hey, does that mean you think you are clever with _your_ rule breaking?"

"Oh believe me, there's _so_ much you don't know about me, Potter,"

She heard him swallow, "well…I'd like to find out," his voice had suddenly become much deeper, he sounded almost nervous, but the bravado was back with his next words, "I'll just have to spend as much time as possible with you when you get out won't I?"

As insistent as he sounded, she got the distinct impression he was actually asking what she thought of the idea, "maybe you will," she said with a smile. There was a moment of silence between the two, Lily observed his shadowy form through the darkness, he looked tall even sat in the chair next to her bed. She liked tall. Upon hearing him repress a yawn she reached out to touch his elbow, "you should go to bed, you can come see me tomorrow though, if I'm not out,"

"I suppose I should," he sounded disappointed, "It's only transfiguration and potions tomorrow though, and transfiguration is easy, and I don't care about potions,"

"Isn't everything easy for you?" Lily asked.

"Yeah pretty much," he said unable to keep the arrogance out of his voice. Lily rolled her eyes.

"Well do the rest of us simpletons a favour and at least pretend you need to attend classes," she said sardonically.

"Come off it," he laughed, "as if it's not basically the same for you,"

"Hm, not for transfiguration, and I don't find it quite so easy to rush through my assignments in general, when I procrastinate I cause real stress for myself,". _And I wasn't able to effectively defend myself when I was attacked,_ she thought.

He didn't seem to know what to say to that, "well Flitwick and Slughorn both _clearly_ think the world of you, so you must be doing something right. Maybe you don't give yourself enough credit," he said after a moment of consideration. Lily didn't respond, and he appeared to decide it was time to leave her to sleep because he got up.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he said softly.

"Hmm, I'll be expecting you,"

* * *

"Lily!" a shriek shook through the hospital wing as Marlene rushed in. Madame Pomfrey shushed her impatiently, but Marlene appeared to take no notice. A much calmer Mary walked in behind her. Lily beamed at them.

"Potter filled us in on what happened this morning at breakfast. We aren't letting his midnight visit slide by the way, but we have more important things to discuss before we tease you about that," Marlene said, sitting down on Lily's bed.

"Watch her legs Marlene!" Mary scolded.

"They're fine!" Lily assured her, "all healed up I promise,"

"How are you feeling other than that?" Mary asked her with concern.

"I'm …a bit embarrassed about the whole thing," Lily admitted, "but no injuries now,"

"Why embarrassed?"

"I just feel like," Lily searched for the words, "like I shouldn't have let it happen, like I'm not the witch I thought I was,"

"That's stupid!" said Marlene, "Lily you can't blame yourself, it doesn't sound like it was some fair wizards' duel, the creeps attacked you unawares!"

"I know," sighed Lily, "but doesn't that seem like a gap in our education? Especially considering what is going on outside of Hogwarts! I should be better prepared,"

This wasn't something the girls often discussed. Sure they spoke of which students were aspiring death eaters, in fifth year it had seemed as if half their conversations were about Severus' aspirations. Yet they rarely spoke of any desire to take part in the fighting.

"Auror training will teach you that! If that's what you're still aiming to be," said Mary fairly.

"I know, but it's gotta be worse for us as muggleborns," said Lily, "we could just be attacked at any time! I think I'd like to know more before we have to go out in the real world,"

Lily felt foolish for never really considered this before, but then she clearly wasn't the only one since her friends were so convinced it was a skill which could be learnt after Hogwarts. Even if they didn't intend to take part in the fighting wasn't it obvious they could be attacked at any point. Mary had even been attacked the previous year! Yet it seemed as if the supposed safety of the castle had been enough to convince her it was a one off, no action needed to be taken.

"Did James also tell you that I can't remember who the attacker was?" Lily asked, deciding to drop it for now, "Madame Pomfrey isn't even sure what spell was used,".

The look in both girls' eyes darkened, "yeah he did," said Mary, "I could…help look into what may have caused it if you want? Though if Madame Pomfrey doesn't know-"

"I will too," Marlene said firmly.

Lily felt a rush of gratitude towards her friends, hopefully this would all be over soon and the person in question would be caught.

"Now, James Potter gave you a midnight visit, and based on how happy he was earlier, despite what he was telling us, I'm convinced you may have actually shagged him here in the hospital wing. So, _explain_ ,"


	7. A Tense Encounter

Two days after Lily had been discharged from hospital she remembered something, "I never actually sent the letter I was supposed to!" she jumped up immediately causing everyone to look at her in alarm of the sudden outburst.

"Lily it's fine," Mary interjected, "after we were told what happened Marlene and me went to the owlery to look around, we found your letter and sent it,"

"Oh, thank you," said Lily with a rush of gratitude. She had been highly strung since being let out of the hospital wing, everything seemed a lot more dramatic than it needed to be.

However, much to her pleasure it appeared as if the Gryffindor's had rallied around her these past couple of days, not only were Dorcas and Beth spending far more time with the other girls than they had before but the Marauders had also taken to joining the group. While Lily felt the reasoning behind this may lie with James she was grateful none the less. She still had no memory of who had actually attacked her, though everyone had been throwing suggestions around in the hope of triggering her to connect the dots.

She had even been to see Dumbledore on her release from the hospital, she had never before been in the presence of the headmaster on her own and found it to be quite an intimidating experience. Trying to keep calm she had given her account of what she could remember, and had felt like she was being observed almost too closely by his bright blue eyes the whole time. He had told her of a possibility of trying something to bring her memory back but wasn't willing to do it there and then until sure it would work.

He had even looked at her memory in a pensieve, and when Lily had drawn the memory from her mind for him it had not been the silvery substance she knew it should be, but a foggy black colour. She clearly remembered the grave look he'd had in his eye as he watched it appear.

"I have a contact at St. Mungo's who may know more about this branch of magic than I," he had said, "damage to the brain due to magic can be permanent, and forgive me, but even I am not confident enough to try a solution without being sure,"

So Lily was left waiting.

* * *

Almost a week later she found herself walking back from potions with Dorcas and Mary and happened to notice Severus on his own. For the whole week she had been watching her year mates hoping for some jolt of recognition, and for the whole week it seemed as if he had been avoiding her inquisitive gaze. He glanced up when she passed and a strange look glazed over his features. If Lily was anyone else she was sure that she would have missed it, but she herself was well versed in the art of reading Severus Snape. She knew that emotion.

 _What if James had been correct? What if it was him?_

"Alright Lily?" James asked as she sat next to him in the common room, "cauldron cake?"

He offered the box to her, Lily took one and gave him a smile, "thanks," she pulled out her charms notes from her bag intending to start her essay. She had actually managed to keep up with her work well since Mary had promised not to let her stray. Her more organised friend had even saved up all the assignments which had been set while Lily was in hospital so she hadn't even been able to make excuses. For Lily's part the events of the past week or so had actually made her more determined than ever to prove her worth in the wizarding world, and motivation to just get on with assignments was no longer hard to find. Though the addition of the Marauders to her regular friend group as well as Marlene made unintentional distractions more likely, so Mary was still required to give Lily a look when she thought she had far too much work to be 'mucking around'. James pulled his essay out too, which to Lily's surprise seemed about halfway finished.

"Think we could swap essays after we've both done?" James asked after a while, "like, check each other's work?"

"Why? D'you feel like it's too much for you?" Lily asked with a small smile, they may be getting along well these days, but this was still James Potter, she suspected an ulterior motive.

"I'm just not entirely sure I've managed to cover everything well enough," he replied, he sounded sincere, and to Lily's astonishment a slight redness had appeared on his neck. She watched the skin move as he breathed.

"Erm, yeah of course," she pulled her gaze away and forced herself to look back at her essay.

They sat in a comfortable silence for a while, each scribbling away, every so often she thought she felt his eyes on her but either she was paranoid or else he was quick to look away because she didn't manage to catch him.

Eventually a loud bark-like laugh came from near the portrait hole. Sirius Black entered with Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. It was odd how the calm of the room seemed to evaporate at the mere suggestion of James and Sirius in the same room at the same time. The shaggy haired boy threw himself down on the chair next to James.

"Well this looks cosy," he grinned.

Remus and Peter also sat down on one of the nearby sofas. Lily couldn't help noticing the knowing look which passed Remus' features as he saw Lily and James together, she also noticed how he once again looked fairly ill. Peter was just Peter, Lily doubted he was so perceptive of such things.

Lily self-consciously shuffled away from James slightly, she hadn't realised how close she had been sitting to him, their legs had practically been brushing.

"Cheers Pad," James sounded slightly disappointed as he watched her move away, though Lily noticed him look at her exposed legs as she crossed them, _cheeky bugger_. To his credit he did look rather sheepish when he noticed her narrowed eyes, she grinned at him to show she wasn't really annoyed.

Sirius seemed to notice this little moment, "To his credit you do have nice legs Evans,"

She chuckled a little at his shamelessness. It was odd to think, but maybe Black was growing on her. Just a little.

"He does have excellent taste," she agreed, shrugging her shoulders with a grin.

"Alright, enough," laughed James, "here, are you done?".

They swapped essays, Sirius again watched the two of them with an eyebrow raised but this time didn't say anything.

"Have you done your charms essay yet?" Lily asked him, mostly to keep him talking about something other than the weird energy between her and James.

"Nah, but I figure it won't take long," he said with an arrogant edge to his voice, "charms essays are usually a piece of piss,"

"Whatever works for you," said Lily tapping a poor sentence on James' essay with her wand, truth was she liked charms, and usually felt quite protective over the subject. People dismissing it as easy usually grated on her a little. Still, she couldn't deny that in Sirius' case he probably was bright enough to speed through it in an hour or two, especially if he was happy to settle for less than an O.

"I haven't started that yet either," said Peter, sounding a little panicked.

"I'll help you if you need," offered Remus kindly, "but there's still time,"

After James handed Lily back her essay (barely altered she noticed, a little smug) Sirius asked him if he was ready to get dinner early.

"Since you know… tonight," he said mysteriously.

"Sirius…" Said Remus warningly with a glance towards where Lily was sitting. She resisted asking what "tonight" was, it was probably for the best if that remained unknown to her.

"Oh right, yeah," James turned to Lily, "do you want to join us for dinner?"

She kind of did, but she felt she may be intruding on whatever plans they may need to make for "tonight".

"Ah, I should wait for the girls actually, they'll be back soon,"

"Okay, well we should go, I guess," he looked slightly reluctant.

"Come on, you sappy git," Sirius said shaking his head, "see you, Evans!"

"Bye, Black!"

With a sigh James followed Remus and Peter out the portrait hole, he glanced back at her smiling a couple of times as he went.

Lily was left with a small smile of her own as she waited for the girls.

* * *

He was on his own, Lily noted with some trepidation. His long black hair fell like a curtain over his work as he leaned in far too close to his parchment. There was a strange familiarity in his manner, Lily thought with a pang.

She closed her books and approached Severus's table with a sense of deeply rooted dread. What if he sneered at her? Hexed her? She thought of all the evenings she and Severus had sat in this library reading together towards the end point of their friendship, back then it had been the single thread which seemed to hold them together, the common ground they could find to talk about without argument.

Yet it had now been a couple of weeks since the incident, and Lily had not heard back from Dumbledore or a St Mungo's representative. The cloud covering her memory had not faded and she was feeling more frustrated by the day.

The guilty look on Severus's face that day after potions had aroused her curiosity whether she wanted to admit it or not.

 _How should she greet him? Certainly not Sev. Severus? Snape even?_

He seemed to sense her approaching as he flinched hugely and drew out his wand, upon noticing exactly who it was approaching him he dropped it with a look of dread on his face.

"I…thought you might've been Potter," he uttered, looking at her with a mix of wonder and trepidation.

Lily took a deep breath, _he hurt you,_ she reminded herself, _you have no business feeling pain for him now_.

"Well…hello," she said finally, "D'you mind if I sit here a moment?"

"Of course not!" He immediately moved his papers off the table, Lily could hardly bare the hopeful look on his face, she forced herself to remain passive, cold.

"I need to know something, and I want you to be honest," she began, sounding more confident than she felt, "and I'll know if you're not,"

He looked at her with the intensity she had come to expect from him while they had been friends, it almost made her visibly squirm, but she held still.

"I've got a question for you too," he said finally.

Lily scowled, who was he to demand anything of her?

"Go on then," she said with her eyes narrowed, "I'll answer whatever you want, I just need answers from you."

"Who was that boy you were hanging out with all summer?"

Well that hadn't been what she was expecting, _of all the petty questions._

"I'm not sure it's any of your business," she answered coldly, "but that was Pete, he was my summer boyfriend."

He pulled a face, "A muggle?"

"Yes. A muggle," she snapped, "Problem? How d'you know about that anyway?"

He looked up at her with disgust ( _and jealousy?_ )clouding his features, "I happened to see you around with him a couple of times, just out and about."

"Well now you know," Lily said with a finality, trying to convey that she wasn't interested in continuing this conversation, "now my question. Do you know who hexed me a few weeks back?"

He looked away from her at that, something flashing in his eyes.

"Was it you?" She almost whispered.

"No!"

"Well you know _something,_ "

"I really don't,"

She looked at him, hardly believing what she was hearing, "you're lying."

She said it with an emptiness in her voice, he wasn't going to tell her anything he knew, she got up to leave.

"Are you…and Potter…?" She heard his angry splutter as she took the first steps away from his table.

"That's also none of your business," she said without looking back


	8. Comfort and Agreements

"You spoke to _Snivellus_?!" Sirius exclaimed with disgust, "If you'd said something we could've easily found out for you,"

"No," said Lily simply with a glare. She'd returned to the common room and had started to tell everyone what she had done, "I don't want you to do _anything_ to get information from Snape."

Sirius gave a disinterested shrug but did quiet down. She went on to tell them what had been said.

"And he actually had the cheek to ask me about the boy I went out with over summer, it was like I'd wronged him somehow," she finished finally.

She couldn't help but glance at James as she said this, she wanted to gage his reaction for some reason. He looked rather like he was avoiding her eye.

"Well of course he feels that Lily," said Marlene rolling her eyes, "I used to point out the way he looked at you remember? Like he felt entitled to have you,"

Lily definitely remembered, it wasn't as if she'd failed to notice it herself after all. She'd always found ways to brush off Marlene's insistence on the subject; but it was out of an unwillingness to discuss how Severus felt about her, not disbelief. How could she discuss such things when her own feelings and attachment to Severus had been so messed up? Discussion would have meant some sort of action, an interruption to the strange limbo she and Severus had had from around the end of third year.

"I know," she simply said, "but that was before our friendship ended,"

"But nothing. I always said he was obsessed with you. I'm pretty sure it was no coincidence that several of your date plans had to be mysteriously cancelled due to 'injuries'. You're lucky he didn't try and attack that muggle boy during the summer,"

Lily had nothing much to say to that, had she been stupid clarifying who Pete was? What if he was attacked next time there was a school holiday?

"Yet he's not obsessed enough to tell me who did it," Lily said instead, "which makes me think he knows very well that it was his friends, Mulciber and Avery,"

It wasn't a difficult conclusion to draw really. His Death Eater pals had mattered more than her, that had been clear for a while. He would've immediately grassed anyone else in to have another shot with her.

"That would make a lot of sense," agreed James. Lily looked up, glad to catch his eye.

"Your friendship with… Snape… probably personally offended them, they might feel like they can do whatever they like now you've called it off,"

"Well I can't prove anything until I've got my memory back," said Lily, "but it's _got_ to be them,"

* * *

As it had been a little while since she had written to her parents Lily was quite surprised when an owl landed in front of her breakfast on Friday morning. She was even more surprised to find her dads writing when she opened the letter, he was like her, not much of a letter writer;

 _Hello love,_

 _I'm very glad to hear everything is going well at school. I'm sorry it has taken so long for me to reply to your letter, your mum didn't want me to tell you this but we've actually had to spend a fair bit of time in hospital these past couple of weeks. I feel you have the right to know that I am growing more concerned -_

The words danced around in front of her Lily's eyes, making her feel sick.

"Lily?"

She turned towards James who was looking at her with great concern, "I think I need some fresh air,"

"Would you like some company?"

She nodded and he followed her out of the Great Hall onto the grounds.

"Don't judge me," she said as she pulled out a cigarette, "but I need this right now,"

"I didn't know you smoked,"

"More during the summer, it's hard to do it here. Mary hates it, so it's not an option in the dorm,"

"It's a disgusting habit," James grinned at her.

"Oh, I know," Lily chuckled, taking a drag. She offered James the packet.

"Look at you being a bad influence, on me of all people!"

"Hey! I'm not some little goody-two-shoes you know!"

"I know, I'm just teasing you," James grinned, "it was what appealed to me in the first place really, you being such a cheeky bugger,"

"Hmm, and there was me thinking it was my stunning good looks,"

"Well that too," he said with a glint in his eye as he watched her, "Do you want to talk about the letter?"

Lily took a long drag before reaching over and lighting James' cigarette for him, "Have you smoked much?"

"Sirius bought some a few times. I can't do it much though, might start affecting quiddich,"

"Oh of course, you athletes need your health," she grinned at him, which turned into a chuckle as he choked a bit on his drag.

"Hush you," he took a more successful one, "disgusting,"

They were quiet a moment, "my mum isn't well,"

James remained quiet as Lily went on, "I'm not actually sure she will have much time left. She was weak when I left, but now dad is more worried and…"

She felt herself be pulled close to James, his arms wrapped tightly around her. She dropped her fag to the ground and gripped him back tightly, she felt the tears begin to roll down her cheeks onto his shirt. She felt his fingers stroke through her hair.

"Thank you,"

"Definitely not a problem," she felt him say it into her hair. She could smell the musky scent she had noticed in the Amortentia all those weeks ago, and he was so warm.

"You're comfy," she said simply, "surprising for such a skinny boy,"

"Hmm, well I'm rather enjoying having you pressed up against me too,"

"Oh yeah, ruin the moment why don't you?" she laughed weakly.

They pulled away from each other slowly, their faces still so close. She touched his cheek with her hand and he leaned into it, closing his eyes. She felt a soft smile form on her own face as she looked at him.

"So, you had a muggle boyfriend this summer?" he suddenly blurted out, it seemed like he had been wanting to say this, though maybe hadn't realised it himself.

"Yeah," said Lily watching him closely for his reaction, "had a bit of an escapist summer after…well you know,"

"Ah," he said, "well I was just curious, but you're not with him now though, right?"

"No," she said, "and I think I might be interested in someone else,"

She looked right at him as she said that, his hazel eyes went dark, "you _think_?"

"Yeah," she said, "I just… it's all so new, I spent so long thinking I felt one way and now… And with my mum… But I wouldn't want him to think there was no hope,"

"Well," his breathing was heavy as he looked at her closely, "what if they agreed to take it slow, while feelings are being figured out?"

"I could maybe do that," Lily decided with a smile.

"and while feelings are being figured out, could we maybe not date other people?"

She laughed, "of course,"

"And snog," he grinned cheekily, "we'll have to diffuse the sexual tension between us somehow,"

"Oh we will," Lily smiled. There was a pause where they just looked at each other, Lily was sure the blazing look on his face was mirrored on her own.

"D'you know something," she said suddenly, thinking of what Marlene had said earlier, "I always assumed that you might have been the one hexing my dates,"

"Give me some credit, I never wanted to force you into anything, I wasn't going to prevent you dating," he looked mildly annoyed.

"Well to be fair you did hex Lance earlier this year for just talking to me,"

"Well ok, maybe I would give them a small hex out of frustration in the moment, but I never actively chased anyone away from you, I definitely wasn't the one putting them in hospital,"

"James-"

"Yeah, I know, you don't like me hexing people, but I can't take back that I did it can I?"

"No I suppose not," Lily sighed.

Lily felt his hand move under her chin and turn her head to make look him in the eye, "I do want to be better, _really._ "

"Okay," she said simply, his actions would do the talking for him.

He didn't let go of her face, but both of his hands slipped into her hair, "Merlin, you're fit,"

She felt her lips part instinctively, she leant in, her tongue darting out to lick her lips. Then they were kissing, and wow, why had she not kissed James Potter before? Based on his groan it seemed he agreed with the sentiment, his hands moved from her face to wrap around her waist and she threw her own around his neck and pulled him closer to her.

Eventually he pulled away, "wow," he said breathlessly, "do you have a lesson you have to get to?"

"No, and if I did would you let me go?" she said just as breathlessly, really wanting to continue kissing him.

"Probably not," he grinned, "but I'd rather go somewhere more private, somewhere I can press you up against a wall or something,"

"Hmm, come on then, you do know the grounds better than anyone else here. I'm sure you can think of somewhere!"


	9. Justice?

Dumbledore's office was an interesting room to say the least. That was true even within the parameters of strangeness Lily had experienced during her 6 years in the wizarding world. Last time she had been here had been the first and she hadn't really had time to admire all the strange instruments dotted around the place. Yet now, as a healer from St Mungo's looked inside her memory, she took the time to look around at his model solar system, the Sorting Hat (looking worse for wear as usual, yet proudly displayed), and his new-born phoenix; still half bald. She remembered the beautiful picture of a phoenix she had once seen in Scamander's book, any other visit to this office would have left her extremely disappointed he wasn't looking his fully beautiful self.

She had received a note last night from Dumbledore saying that someone from St Mungo's was coming to fix her memory. They had apparently been researching how to remove the block without removing half of her memories; which the spell had attached itself to. They'd had to move as fast as they could due to Dumbledore's assumption that the spell would begin to erase the other memories it had attached itself to, yet such a spell hadn't ever been used before. Of course there were memory charms but they were generally weak at best, this was something else.

Lily was just glad the waiting was over, she was _sure_ she knew who it was, yet here would be her proof. After her confrontation with Severus she had caught Mulciber eying her with a horrible glint in his eye on more than one occasion. A smirk would always pull at his features whenever she looked over.

"Are you ready Miss Evans?" Dumbledore asked, bringing her out of her thoughts, she nodded.

"Okay love, I think I've found the exact point of your memory I need to focus on, but I need you to focus on it hard. Bring it to the front of your mind as best you can."

Lily felt at ease upon hearing Healer Bones's so clearly northern twang, it was so rare to hear anything but proper, well spoken English at Hogwarts. She remembered consciously trying to lose her own Manc accent when she had first arrived. Severus was more successful than she was, Lily actually struggled to remember how he had sounded before.

"I can do that," said Lily, sounding more confident than she felt, she couldn't pretend she was looking forward to seeing the attack again, in full, even if it meant the end of this.

She concentrated on the memory as hard as she could though, and was met with the strange sensation of someone rummaging around inside her brain. The healer's wand was determinedly fixed on her forehead and his eyes looked glazed over. Flashes of other memories began to float into Lily's mind but she forced them away as best she could. Finally, the healer pulled away. There was a moment where it felt as if the fog was clearing.

"Mulciber, Avery," Lily simply said with confidence.

Dumbledore nodded, though for a moment Lily was sure she had seen something like worry flash in his eyes. It was gone as soon as she noticed, however- _I_ _could be imagining things._

"Okay Miss Evans, you may head off now. I will have Professor Slughorn bring the two boys to my office in due course,"

Lily nodded, "Thank you," she said to the healer as she left the room. He smiled back at her, "If you do feel any further memory loss do make sure you contact us,"

* * *

She had been due to attend Charms when she had received the roll of parchment from Dumbledore saying that they were ready for her, and she would be able to attend the second half of the lesson if she headed there quickly. She rather felt that a meeting with Dumbledore would have been enough of a reason to skip a lesson, but she really wanted to tell her friends that Mulciber and Avery were the culprits.

By 'friends' she realised she also meant the Marauders. _How weird_. She didn't think she would ever get used to that revelation. Nor did she ever think she would get used to the revelation that she enjoyed kissing James Potter as much as she did. But oh how she did. She felt flushed just thinking about it. In the week since they had first kissed the two of them had managed to sneak off alone twice more for hurried kisses in locked classrooms. She loved how James kissed. It was like he would never get enough of her, and the way his hands had slid up her shirt at their last meeting…

She forced herself to stop that train of thought, if she didn't she would probably end up jumping on James as soon as she opened the classroom door. They had agreed not to tell their friends of the situation they were in just yet. It would probably have meant a pressure that Lily wasn't ready for, and James seemed happy to go along with whatever as long as he got the opportunity to have his hands on her in private.

She pushed open the door to the Charms classroom, finding everyone trying hard to conjure blue fire. She noticed Flitwick walking around the classroom and went over to apologise to him.

"Oh don't worry!" he said in his squeaky voice, "Miss McKinnon already explained that you went to see the headmaster. There's about half an hour left, see if you can produce cold fire."

Looking around at the desks she noticed that James and Mary had budged up to leave her a spot in between them. To her annoyance she noticed that out of her friends only James and Sirius had successfully produced the fire which was happily dancing in front of them in jars. They looked far too smug as they watched everyone else try. She would show them.

"Well?" asked Mary as Lily squeezed past her to sit down. Everyone looked over to her.

"Well what?" Lily grinned, annoying no nonsense Mary even just a little bit was always worth it. Mary sighed.

"Well, are the creeps that attacked me last year also guilty of attacking you?"

Lily cringed a little, of course Mary had self interest in getting rid of Mulciber and Avery too. "Yes it was them," Lily nodded, "I hope he's actually able to get rid of them this time."

They had never really been brought to justice for Mary's attack last year, Mulciber's father had apparently been able to threaten the board into leaving his son in school, bunch of cowards the lot of them.

"I hope so too," muttered Mary, determinedly turning back to her jar.

"Well if they don't I'm sure we can think of a few ways of dealing with them," came James's voice, Lily looked round at him to find he was scowling. For once she didn't disagree, those boys had everything coming to them.

"I suppose you wouldn't want that would you?" Sirius asked Lily.

"Actually I don't care what you do to those two," she answered coolly, "though I don't want you lot hurt,"

Sirius gave her a surprised look, which maybe was also a little touched. James simply beamed.

"Lily, be a dear show those two tossers up won't you?" Marlene called from further down the bench.

Lily grinned looking down at their jars, "how many attempts did that take you?"

"Three." James smirked.

"Right then," she pulled out her wand and almost lazily flicked her wand. Flames sprung to life in the jar. The boys looked impressed in spite of themselves while the girls simply sniggered. There would be no need to mention that she had been practicing that spell since last year.

* * *

James grinned at her with a glint in his eye as Lily locked the classroom door behind her. She hopped up onto one of the desks and gave him a coy smile back, James immediately moved over to her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Are you _really_ feeling okay now?" he asked her with concern as he nuzzled into her neck.

"I feel fine," said Lily, and it was true, it seemed her rather jumpy feelings had not just been because she was feeling vulnerable from the attack. The spell appeared to have affected more than just her memory. Now she felt herself again, though with increased determination to be ready- really ready- to face her would be oppressors after Hogwarts. Right now she was not in the mood to talk, however. He had spent the remainder of charms gently stroking her leg under the table when the others weren't watching and it had given Lily the most wonderful tingly feeling. She had been tempted to punish him for his actions by refusing him when he indicated for them to sneak off, but who was she kidding? Besides, she would also be punishing herself. She gripped his hair in between her fingers and pulled his mouth towards hers. He immediately groaned and pulled her into him. His mouth was hot and hungry on hers and soon he had pulled her legs around his waist. She gently nibbled on his bottom lip with a grin and that seemed to spur on his wandering hands, he slipped them under her shirt and stroked the section above her hip bone. Lily pulled away from his lips and kissed down his neck, gently nibbling every so often, he gasped in her ear and his fingers pinched her waist.

When she felt his erection in between her legs she gently pushed him away from her, and to his credit, while he clearly wasn't happy about being stopped, he obediently settled for resting his forehead against hers, breathing heavily. They sat like that for a full 5 minutes, both trying to calm down. Eventually, when James stood up straight and took in Lily's face he laughed.

"Your hair's messier than mine," he ruffled her hair further.

"Well your hair's the same but now you're sporting a very fetching shade of red lipstick," she tapped his lips while she pulled out a mirror from her robes pocket. A quick flick of her wand later, nobody would know what she had been up to. She made sure to double check for any love bites which may have been left on her neck after noticing the very distinct one on James.

"Wow you really did a good job on that," said James as Lily handed him the mirror, "maybe I should keep it like this." He grinned back at her cheekily as she gave him a 'don't you dare' look.

* * *

Later, when they were all hanging out in the common room together a nervous third year girl came up to the group, holding out a scroll to Lily, "I was told to give this to you by Professor Slughorn at the end of potions class,"

"Oh, thank you!" Lily said taking it from her, the girl glanced at Sirius and a blush came to her cheeks as she hurried away. Mary rolled her eyes but Marlene nudged her, "as if we weren't all like that with Bertram Aubrey,".

"What's so fantastic about bloody Aubrey?" Sirius interjected.

"What isn't?" asked Bethany with a bit of a faraway gaze, "he's the strong, silent type,"

"What does Sluggy have to say?" asked Mary before Sirius could object. Lily was quite disappointed not to get to watch Sirius taken down a peg or two. The boy wasn't the type to enjoy being anything less than first choice with women so the argument would have dragged out. Which would've been to Lily's amusement.

"He's just letting me know that Mulciber and Avery have been removed from the school," said Lily, unable to stop the glee from creeping into her voice, "although…oh…" she trailed off as she scanned further down the scroll.

"What is it?" asked James with concern.

"The governors are giving daddy Mulciber a chance to appeal again. He could be back within a month. I guess Slughorn thought I should be warned."

Mary immediately jumped up and muttered something about wanting to go to bed. Lily decided to follow her, she really didn't want to talk to the others just this minute. They went up in silence, but the moment the dormitory door was shut behind the two Mary exclaimed, "I can't believe that _horrible,_ sadistic boy will get another chance! And you just know he's going to because all the governors are either cowards _or_ actually agree with what he does," she climbed up onto her bed and crossed her legs, Lily thought she looked about 10 years old with the way she was sat all hunched over.

Lily sat down on her own bed and held one of her pillows to her chest, "I know Mar. I guess we maybe were a little too hopeful they'd be able to get rid of them this time,"

It wasn't that Lily was afraid, she sure hated Mulciber, for so many reasons, and there was every reason to also be scared of Mulciber. Yet it was more frustration than anything, about the way the old pureblood families controlled everything. Her and Mary didn't stand a chance of getting their way no matter how well they performed in class. She also knew that Mary probably was a little afraid, what had happened to her had been far worse than what Lily had endured. She wasn't prepared for what her friend said next however.

"I don't want to be a prefect anymore, not for a school which is never really going to appreciate me,"

Lily gaped at her, "but Mary, you work so hard! The professors clearly appreciate you even if some old windbags on the governing board don't!"

"I know Lil, but this is something I thought about last year when Mulciber got away with it then too. I don't see why I should have to try so hard to make the other students behave when I'm never going to be appreciated for it. Why should I put myself at risk on patrol? But please, if you think it has some purpose maybe you should take my badge."

Lily wasn't sure how to react. To Lily the idea of having some sort of authority over the pureblood supremacists actually had some appeal. Although maybe Mary was right and it actually was fruitless, there was a limit to the power a prefect had after all.

"Mary, just wait and see how you feel? If in a few days you still feel this way, we can go see Professor McGonagall and talk it over. I can't see any of the other girls being interested so it would have to be me if you really don't want it,"

Mary shrugged and curled up on her bed with her back to Lily, clearly the conversation was over for now.


	10. Letters to the Governors

"Now, for the last time Miss Macdonald, are you quite sure you want to give up this opportunity?"

Mary nodded, "I'm sure, professor,"

Disappointment was evident on the face of their stern head of house, but she took a deep breath in and gave a single nod, her nostrils flaring. Mary appeared to be hardly able to look her in the eye, instead choosing to look down at her lap.

"Very well then, you may leave. I wish to talk to Miss Evans about what this means for her,"

Lily watched Mary leave the room, her friend had been so down the past few days. Lily and the other girls hadn't had a clue what to do to make her feel better. She had been so tough last year after her attack, but it appeared the memory was still affecting her, and the idea that Mulciber would continue getting away with his actions appeared to have completely disillusioned her towards the wizarding world.

"First of all I suppose congratulations are in order," said McGonagall, handing Lily the prefect badge, "and thank you for making it easy and volunteering as Miss Macdonald's replacement. Though I have to say, you would have been the obvious choice anyway,"

She actually gave Lily a small smile, which Lily returned nervously, she thought she might be in for a lecture about making sure she kept up with work.

"You will have to make sure you learn from one of the other prefects exactly what it is you will be doing, I will let the head boy and girl know that you have replaced Miss Macdonald and they will no doubt contact you soon for a meeting. You've always demonstrated good leadership and the ability to get along with members from each house so I have no doubt you will do a good job in the post. Not to mention this year you seem more capable of organising your time, if you don't mind me saying."

Lily blinked up at her, if she was being honest she never thought that her head of house thought much of her. While Lily herself had thought that she stood a good chance of becoming prefect at the start of fifth year based on her grades in subjects other than transfiguration, she knew that McGonagall valued her own subject the most. She had also always appeared to like Mary a lot more than she did Lily, possibly due to her organisational skills and actual transfiguration talent, which explained fairly well why Mary had originally been chosen. Based on this Lily never considered that McGonagall might be observing her in other ways, like on a personal level. Then again maybe Slughorn had mentioned Lily so much in the staff room that it was impossible for her not to.

"Oh, thank you," Lily said after a moment, finding her voice, "though the time keeping thing is partially because of Mary being on my case about not procrastinating,"

"Well then, let's hope that her good influence remains," said McGonagall, "between the two of us, why has she decided the position is not for her anymore?"

Lily hesitated, this wasn't really for her to tell, and she doubted McGonagall had any power to stop Avery and Mulciber returning so no good could come from it really. She also thought she may get Slughorn into trouble if she revealed they knew about the appeal; she wasn't sure students were supposed to know about the governors' actions. Though looking into the usually stern face of McGonagall and seeing it filled with concern almost made Lily want to tell everything.

"She's just feeling disillusioned …with members of wizarding authority at the moment," Lily said finally.

"I see," said McGonagall, she appeared to know what Lily was talking about as she nodded, "and have you felt this way?"

"Sometimes," said Lily, "…with some people."

McGonagall looked like she wanted to say something more, but couldn't. Instead she said, "Very well Miss Evans, I will see you tomorrow in transfiguration, which I am sure you will have your essay ready for,"

"I actually am nearly finished," Lily grinned, "thank you, professor,"

* * *

Back in the Gryffindor common room Lily found Bethany sitting with the Marauders minus James. She knew she would be in for some teasing about her new position from James and Sirius, and was not disappointed as she sat down.

"Do you have to confiscate your own cigarettes now then?" Sirius asked her with a grin, "Macdonald said she took them off you sometimes,".

"Well I don't know about that, but I may get a lot of free packets from now on if I see you with them,"

Sirius grinned at her, "ah Red, I'd like to see you try. You know prefects have no control over me, look at Moony here,"

"Yeah, well, he's you friend isn't he? Of course you don't listen to him. I'll be willing to let you off though, if you share with me,"

"Hmm I'll consider it. Though mainly because if I duel you Prongs won't let me hear the end of it, and you do powerful hexes,"

"Right, that's something I've noticed a few times now," Beth suddenly interjected, "Prongs? Moony? What's that about?"

"Sorry Vane, Marauder secret," said Sirius with a wink, and turning to grin at Remus and Peter.

"I still find it hilarious that they've _named_ their group," Lily stage whispered to Bethany, "who does that?"

"Only the most fun people," Remus grinned.

"Or the saddest," Lily said innocently.

"Says the prefect," put in Peter, causing Sirius to laugh.

"Hey, watch it!" shot back Remus.

"Well you're barely a prefect anyway," said Sirius, "haven't we already decided you have no control over me or James? Evans on the other hand probably won't hesitate to jinx us if we annoy her,"

"Hmm, I could ruin that pretty face of yours with a decent boils hex," Lily pretended to muse.

"I'd still be the best looking guy in school," he said arrogantly, though with a grin, "but I take your point. Cigarettes will be shared from now on,"

"I should think so," smiled Lily.

"Did Mary have a class then?" Bethany asked Lily.

"Erm, no," said Lily, "she's on pretty much the same timetable as me. Has she not been back?"

"She's not upstairs," said Beth, "but you know what, she's probably just gone to the library. You know what she's like, it soothes her to work in the quiet sometimes,"

"Yeah, that'll be it," said Lily, "she probably just wanted some quiet. Though if she doesn't show up before dinner I'll go and look for her."

"She's seemed really down recently," said Remus with concern.

Beth nodded, "she has been for a few days now. She's not even snapped at us for being too messy in the dorm,"

"It's at least partly because certain future Death Eaters are probably getting another chance," said Lily, "I think she feels that there's no justice for muggleborns at the moment. And to be fair I get where she's coming from,"

"We all do, Evans," said Sirius, "I know it's not the same as actually being muggleborn, but you'd have to be incredibly ignorant to not see what's happening,"

Lily looked at him, and got the feeling she had truly misjudged Sirius Black. She had never seen him look so serious and mature before. When it came to the Marauders what she could say for James was that he had always been one to speak out against dark wizards. It was a judgement he had put on Severus, and which he had wrongly stereotyped all of Slytherin as being; but at least it could be said that his heart was in the right place. Remus Lupin had always appeared kind hearted, if a little too unwilling to stand up against injustice when his friends were responsible; even after being given the authority to do so. Peter Pettigrew had always appeared to be happy to believe whatever James told him to, though Lily would admit she probably knew the least about Peter so she couldn't really judge. Yet Sirius was different. While he had always joined in with the dark wizard accusations James threw about, Lily had always assumed this was just that he enjoyed the taunting, the power. She had never thought that he may truly care about such things, he just seemed like he wanted to have fun all the time. Now she was having to re-evaluate that opinion.

A distraction came in the form of the Gryffindor quiddich team returning from practice before she could say anything more about it. They all looked tired and sweaty, but very happy.

"What're our chances against Ravenclaw?" Peter asked James as he, Marlene and Dorcas came to sit with the group. James of course made sure he sat on the sofa next to Lily.

"We're gonna destroy them!" He said with a grin, casually dropping an arm behind Lily. Or at least Lily assumed he meant it to be casual. She glanced around to see if anyone looked like they had figured out that the pair were snogging in private whenever they got the chance. Not that she knew what such an expression would be exactly. Luckily though, everyone appeared to have taken it as James attempting to flirt.

"I snuck in to watch their practice session before we had ours, they don't have anywhere near the team chemistry we have." He continued.

"Well you'd better be right," said Sirius, "I already put a bet on with Aubrey,"

"You'll get your money," assured James, before he glanced at Lily. A grin came to his face, and he said in his 'Superior Lily' voice "Ooh! I see you've got a new badge!"

"Trust you to notice it on her chest," Marlene rolled her eyes at him.

James didn't even look embarrassed, "So you got that today, huh? Mary really didn't want it?"

"No she didn't," Lily sighed, "I just hope she doesn't regret it,"

"As long as you don't start nagging me about the mess I make in the dorm," said Dorcas, "as much as I love Mary there's only room for one of her."

"I doubt there's any chance of that," said Lily laughing, "especially since I'll still need Mary to remind me to tidy up,"

"Does this mean you'll have to confiscate anything we might use for a prank from now on?" James said to her, playing with a strand of red hair.

"Not if I don't see it," Lily smiled back, "If I do? Well, you'd better hope I'm in a good mood,"

"Hmm, well maybe I'll innocently show your fags to McGonagall if you do," James said.

"You wouldn't!" Lily mock gasped, "besides, I've now got a deal with your mate here; free fags whenever I want them. So maybe I won't even buy my own,"

"That wasn't quite what I said," grinned Sirius, while James exclaimed, "you hardly ever share with me!"

As the group descended into random chatter James appeared to decide that attention was not on himself and Lily anymore, and took the opportunity to whisper to her. With his breath so close to her ear she felt goose bumps erupt, he muttered, "prefect patrol is going to make things so much easier for us. You'll have to let me know exactly which day and time a certain pretty redhead might check the classroom on the second floor."

"Oh will I?" Asked Lily, wanting to laugh at his attempt to be smooth, "maybe I won't want to skive off patrol,"

"Well, I think you will," he grinned at her. There was an intense look in his eyes as they dropped down to her lips. Lily felt warmth flare up throughout her chest. The moment passed however when James appeared to force himself to look away, and joined in the conversation his fellow Marauders were having beside him.

Lily turned to Marlene, who was looking half asleep, "Mary disappeared after the meeting with McGonagall. She might've just gone to the library to be alone, but I think we should look for her if she doesn't come back before dinner, just in case she's sat feeling miserable somewhere,"

"Yeah that's probably a good idea," nodded Marlene, "how does it feel to be prefect?"

"Well, I don't really feel any different yet to be fair," shrugged Lily, "I've not even been told what to do or anything. Maybe I'll feel the power when I'm on my first patrol and I get to ruin the fun of couples in broom cupboards,"

Marlene laughed, "maybe you'll get to patrol with Aubrey, and the two of you will actually end up in a broom cupboard,"

"Mar!" laughed Lily. If she was being honest she felt a little uncomfortable having Marlene make that joke when James was next to her, and Lily was sure he had heard when he appeared to stiffen next to her. Though it wasn't as if she could tell Marlene that.

"That won't happen," Lily continued instead, "the crush went away when I realised what a prat he was,"

"Ah, you're boring," grinned Marlene.

"Well you pull him then," retorted Lily.

"Maybe I will," said Marlene, "Mary always refused to be part of my pulling plans, but you could help now you've got a way in with him,"

"Sure," laughed Lily, "it's always fun to watch your ridiculous plans fail,"

"I resent that! They only _sometimes_ fail! Remember, I went out with Stebbings last year,"

"That's true, but I think the first date was out of fear," Lily grinned, "then after that he realised you weren't quite as weird as he thought,"

"Well, as long as it works," chuckled Marlene, then in a whisper she added, "and it seems like foolish behaviour works on you too missy,"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you seem to be much closer to James this year,"

Lily felt her face get warm and hoped she wasn't as red as she imagined herself to be. She glanced round at the boy in question; either he didn't hear, or he was good at pretending otherwise because he gave no sign of acknowledgement. She forced herself to relax as she whispered back, "Okay we've become friends, but if anything he's managed to stop himself being quite so daft around me,"

Marlene looked considerate, "that's actually kind of true now I think about it,". She shrugged, "anyway, do you want to go find Mary now? I'm getting really hungry already,"

* * *

As expected, Lily and Marlene found Mary sat in the library surrounded by parchment. Though it did not seem as if she was getting on with any work, rather it appeared she was just staring into space. About three lines of writing were at the top of the roll of parchment Lily could see was closest to Mary. It appeared to be the start of a letter.

"Mary?" Lily asked, "you alright?"

She turned to them with a small smile, "I was just thinking of writing a letter to the governors, to see if maybe I could stir up some feelings in the ones who aren't anti-muggleborn,"

"That …might help," said Lily actually wishing she had thought to do it, "maybe we both should, and even find other people who have been attacked by Mulciber and Avery? That wouldn't be too difficult,"

"Lily, I mean I _was_ going to write a letter, but isn't there a good chance it will be intercepted by the ones in line with You-Know-Who? Or even just people sympathetic to his cause,"

"I know neither of you is going to want to hear this," Marlene began, after a moment of silence, "but maybe some pure-blood influence would also help,"

Lily supressed her immediate urge to insist that muggleborns couldn't always rely on purebloods to get them out of trouble. This was her _friend_ wanting to help.

"My uncle has influence because he's in the Wizengamot. While he can't directly tell the governors what to do he could organise it so he watches them all read your testimonies against Mulciber and Avery. A couple of members have to observe each meeting so that the governors keep everything legal. Not that all current members of the Wizengamot care about that,"

Lily definitely thought it might be worth a try, and Mary actually managed a genuine smile.

"I could send a letter to him tonight," Marlene continued, encouraged.

Lily looked at Mary, who, after a moment, nodded. There was a genuine smile on her face.

* * *

The following evening Lily took herself off to the library to work on her own letter. Marlene's uncle hadn't written back yet but she saw no cause for delay. If he did write back and say it was a good idea she wanted to be able to send the letter immediately. She had already spoken to Dirk, who, as a fellow member of the Slug Club, had always been on Mulciber's radar. She knew there had been more than one occasion where the Slytherin had attempted to ambush her friend, and as he was a prefect she felt his testimony would hold some weight.

When she had a neatly presented argument she felt happy with Lily began to pack up her things, thinking she would grab a book she needed for Transfiguration on the way out. Unfortunately, there was someone sat at a table right in front of the shelf she needed. A long black haired someone who was leaning extremely close to a book he appeared to be scribbling in. She felt her stomach clench. She had noticed he had been constantly alone for the past week or so, ever since _they_ had been removed from the school. It wasn't as if he had always been an extrovert who was constantly surrounded by people. However, Lily knew he did get lonely. That he did want to be accepted by people.

 _Yes,_ said a voice in her head, _but these days only by wannabe murderers._

Whether that was genuinely true or not Lily couldn't say for sure, but he had been willing to reject her in favour of a chance of power. There had of course been a point where she had believed that he valued her opinion of him above all others. The summer prior to fifth year had made it fairly obvious that he was hiding an attraction to Lily. It may have developed before that- they had never talked about it so she couldn't know for sure- but that was when Lily had first noticed. At the time she had been willing to consider the possibility of a future relationship, but only if he appeared to stop going down the path he was so clearly aiming for. Yet all fifth year had brought was further drifting between the two, and while Severus may have had an attraction to Lily he made it incredibly obvious that in reality he didn't value her opinions much.

It was with this thought that Lily forced herself to walk away from her former friend without saying anything. His loneliness was his own fault.


	11. Summer of '75

This chapter is entirely Severus/Lily interaction based as its set before the rest of the story, just a warning for those wanting Jily! I'll get another chapter up soon which you may appreciate more ;)

* * *

 _Summer 1975: Cokeworth  
_

* * *

Summer homework was not something Lily approved of, even if it came in the form of simply reading her textbooks.

"But you'd read them anyway," Severus said to her.

"That would be out of choice though!" Lily exclaimed, "maybe I like reading about magic sometimes, but telling me I _have_ to do it? That ruins the fun!"

The two were hauled up in Lily's bedroom, textbooks all around them. Severus had obviously progressed further with his work than Lily had. Lily was even sure he would have been far more efficient on his own, but it wasn't as if he would ever turn down an opportunity to escape the confines of his family home.

"Well you suggested we do this today," Severus shrugged, clearly not minding the situation at all.

Lily didn't really have anything to say to that. The truth was she had invited Severus round to work with her because she had wanted to see him. Maybe they could have just hung out without the work, but Lily had felt a distance building between her and Severus all year at school. He didn't appear to always have time for her the way he had in years gone by. Part of Lily knew she should be glad of this development. Had she not always had other friends since starting at Hogwarts? Why should Sev be at her constant beck and call? It wasn't healthy for him to just wait around for her all the time.

Yet the people who Severus was deciding to associate with these days were questionable to say the least. Walter Mulciber and Ralph Avery had never really had much to do with Severus in their first two years at Hogwarts. Up to that point Lily didn't really take much note of the rumours that Severus knew dark magic, she had even taken the time to tell her Gryffindor friends that she knew him much better than they did. It was true Severus had been taken under the wing of Lucius Malfoy when he had first been sorted into Slytherin, but there was a limit to their connection. Lily had known that Severus looked up to the older boy from the first time he had mentioned him with that look of revere she had never seen on his face since, but Malfoy was much older so it wasn't as if the two always were together. Besides, 11-year-old Lily hadn't known anything about the Malfoy family. Now things were different. Upon realising what a benefit Severus would be when it came to creating spells his dorm mates had welcomed him into their clique. This left Lily feeling like she would always come second best now he had other friends to hang around with.

She feared it would make her seem like a spoilt brat to express all of this to him. Truthfully, even she felt she was being a spoilt brat. The inability to confide in him had itself caused a wedge between them, at least from Lily's point of view. However, there was also the issue that she was worried they would no longer have anything to talk about. Even she could no longer deny that Severus seemed to radiate a darkness now, regardless whether she still saw her childhood friend. What if he found her boring? What if he wanted to talk about things that disgusted her? Much safer to do school work and pretend things were okay, it had worked last year and they had ended up closer during that summer than they had been for a while. It was only when they returned to Hogwarts the divide reformed, and studying became their only hang out activity.

"Well, I figured you would be a good influence on me," she said instead grinning at him and receiving a small smile in return, "go on then boy genius, teach me about defence against the dark arts, and then pretend you need me to teach you about potions so I don't feel shit,".

* * *

Just as they had the previous summer the study sessions appeared to break the ice between the two teenagers. Lily even managed to drag him to some tribute night for The Beatles which was happening at her local pub. She considered it a solid victory that he only briefly protested her choice before relenting and allowing her to pick out something for him to wear. If she could convince him to do muggle activities with her maybe things would look up after all.

The barman was notorious for allowing pretty young girls to drink underage, so Lily was the one to go to the bar while Severus was left skulking in a corner looking majorly out of his element. A few sweet smiles later and Lily came back carrying two pints feeling extremely proud of herself. That was until she saw how sourly Severus was looking over at the bar.

"What's your problem?" Lily asked, nudging him with the pint glass.

"Nothing," he simply said, taking a deep drink.

"Aren't you going to congratulate me on getting us both a drink?"

"Yeah, well done batting your eyes at some older bloke,"

"Oh don't be so sour," Lily scoffed, "I've got to use my feminine advantage somehow! At least now you can drink and you won't hate the music so much, maybe you'll even dance with me"

He actually chuckled at that, "There's not enough alcohol in the world,"

Lily loved when she occasionally managed to make him laugh. It wasn't something which came naturally to Severus, in truth Lily didn't think she'd seen him laugh in the way that made his eyes light up with anyone but her. There was some pride in that.

"Ahh I'll make a Beatles fan out of you yet Severus Snape, just you wait! You'll pine for their records at Hogwarts as much as I do,".

* * *

While she hadn't managed to get him dancing it was around three pints later and ten songs in that Lily noticed Severus looking at her, with an expression she could only describe as adoration as she loudly sung along with the band. She didn't imagine there was anything particularly admirable about her out of time head bopping and out of tune singing so she couldn't really come up with a reasoning for this development. He looked away a little too late, though Lily was happy to pretend it never happened as he clearly looked embarrassed. Still though, it made her think of something Marlene believed; regarding how Severus felt about Lily. _But that was nonsense wasn't it?_

 _Although, remember how he reacted to your potential dates,_ a part of her mused.

This train of thought became impossible to ignore, however, after the band finished playing and the young drummer decided to have a drink sent over to Lily. A flattered Lily simply smiled over at him. He was fairly cute actually, but it wasn't like she was with her girlfriends, she couldn't simply go over to him while she was with _Severus._

A glance at aforementioned friend's face actually went a long way towards confirming Marlene's suspicions. He looked enraged, and his hand had closed around the wand she knew was in his pocket.

"What is it, Sev?" She asked tentatively, maybe there was another explanation, maybe she was seeing jealousy when really it was another emotion. She'd always prided herself on being able to read Severus, but perhaps she was wrong in this case. That would make more sense than completely missing that Severus _fancied_ her.

He did not put her suspicions to rest though. He jumped at her voice as if he had been caught doing something terrible. He leapt up, muttering something about needing fresh air, and skulked out. Lily just sat stock still for a moment. _Did Severus fancy her?_ She came to her senses after a little while and considered the fact that he obviously upset friend had walked off and she was doing nothing to help him. Whether he did have deeper feelings for her or not shouldn't change anything if she didn't allow it to. Their relationship certainly didn't need to be made more awkward.

She found in sat on a wall. Smoking. Well that was also a new development. Lily couldn't help thinking it suited him somehow, gave him an air of sophistication.

"Chuck us one won't you?" she sat down next to him. Not looking at her he dutifully offered her the packet and his lighter. Struggling to get the lighter to hold the flame long enough to light the cig was Lily's first embarrassment, a smirking Severus eventually did it for her. The second was coughing and spluttering the moment the smoke hit the back of her throat. Yet she successfully made Severus laugh so she didn't worry about it too much, even if it was _at_ her and not with her. Her second attempt was better anyway.

"What happened to your friend?" Severus eventually asked, with badly disguised venom on the final word.

"I don't know," said Lily as casually as possible, "I came out here to find you didn't I?"

He nodded and seemed to relax a fair amount at her words.

"Why did you leave?" Lily approached the topic tentatively.

He shrugged, "just wanted some fresh air, and I didn't want you to think I was getting in the way or something,"

Lily watched him carefully. He was lying, that much she could tell, but it was obvious he didn't want to talk about the situation. So Lily made the decision to leave the conversation there. At least for the moment. She attempted to put her new belief regarding his feelings for her out of mind. If he wanted to talk about such matters he could come to her.

* * *

"Oh, it's for you! The owl must've tracked you here," Lily handed the letter to Severus which had just been brought in through her bedroom window.

Severus looked surprised initially, but Lily could tell he was pleased as he read through. It was when he simply folded it up without saying who it was from that she grew curious. From what he had told her in the past he didn't receive letters that much, "Boys don't just write for no reason," he had said. So who was writing to him now?

The two lay sprawled out on Lily's bedroom floor drinking cider she had 'borrowed' from her dad's alcohol collection. Severus had refused to listen to any of her records, despite her wide variety of choice, but as the alcohol flowed he had indulged her in a childish game of eye spy, which had become increasingly silly as time went on. Now though he went quiet, thoughtful. So it was when he excused himself for the bathroom that Lily took the opportunity to quickly sneak a look at the letter he had left on the floor. A quick scan made the phrase "welcome to come and stay" stand out, and when she found the name Walter Mulciber at the bottom her blood ran cold. Summer was _her_ time for Severus. The two had been doing so well together. She quickly folded it up and put it in the exact same position when she heard the toilet flush. Couldn't let him know she had snooped.

"So, I spy with my little eye, something beginning with… f," she immediately said upon his arrival back in the room.

He followed where her eyes had drifted to as he always did and said, "flobberworm,". He pointed at the jar which sat on her desk with potions ingredients. He'd won every game; Lily was beginning to think maybe she wasn't good at subtlety. Still, maybe she'd gotten away with reading his note.

"You read my letter didn't you?"

 _Damn._

"Err, I may have glanced at it," there was no point lying to Severus, he saw right through her, "I just got curious why you hadn't said anything,".

He shrugged, "just didn't seem important for you to know,"

Lily nodded, "So… you thinking of going?"

"I may do, depends if you'd prefer me to stay with you I suppose," he looked slightly embarrassed at this admittance. Lily's heart clenched at the declaration. From him that may as well have been a highly emotional declaration that he cared.

"I don't mind you having other friends, Sev," she said, wishing it was completely honest, "I can always invite Marlene here- she said she was free- or just spend a few days in a row with mum and dad if you're away."

He nodded. Why was Lily left with the feeling that she had said the wrong thing?

"Do you want to see them?" she pressed.

"I suppose I want to be able to do magic more," he replied, "in a pureblood house I'd be able to do spells,"

"Hmm, I'm sure you'd learn some new _interesting_ spells at the Mulciber household," she let the disgust creep in a little at the end. _Or a lot, whatever_. He gave her a strange look, "I'll stay here," he said firmly, "I live with him for the majority of the year anyway."

Lily practically beamed. She really had been enjoying the summer with him, but it would have been unreasonable to demand that he couldn't see other people too. Even if they were particularly unpleasant people in Lily's opinion. She reached over and gave him a hug. After a moment, where he seemed incredibly surprised, he wrapped his arms around her too, and rested his head on her shoulder.

* * *

Their final opportunity to hang out properly came a couple of days before the return to Hogwarts. Lily's mum had offered to take Severus to King's Cross station with the Evans family but it wouldn't be the same when her family was there, and on the train Lily was sure they would end up parting ways. The thought made her stomach clench. Having Severus around once again had made her realise just how much she missed him at Hogwarts, and with that thought she decided she would be more assertive this year. She would ensure they spent time together; and not only to do homework. She was determined that she would also make a point of pointing out how awful his friends were, if nothing else she wanted to get that through to him.

For now, she was determined to enjoy the time she had left with him. So as they both sat on her bed, listening to The Rolling Stones blasting out of her record player, she turned to him and said, "what do _you_ want to do this evening?".

"Oh? Erm, I don't mind?"

"Ah come on Sev. Pick whatever you want, I feel like we've just been doing what I want all summer."

"Well you're usually the one who wants to go out, I'm happy just not being at mine,"

She felt her heart break a little for him. She had never really got the whole story about what happened in his home, but she suspected things were worse than he let on. In the early days of their friendship he had simply told her that his parents fought a lot. Her own happy life had meant that at the age of 10 she didn't know that much about abusive homes; though her own dad had told her that based on rumours he didn't think Mr Snape was a good father. Now she could look back and think of the mismatched clothes, the lack of presents on Severus's birthday, Tobias Snape's constant drinking, and know that something was extremely wrong. Of course, she had only been to the Snape household once, and that had been for all of about 10 minutes. So it wasn't as if she really knew everything.

"But there must be somewhere you want to go!" she pressed.

He just shrugged, and Lily narrowed her eyes. Maybe it was because she was sat so close to him, and looking at him so intently, but Lily was sure she saw a tinge of colour appear on his cheekbones. He looked down at his lap, and Lily looked down at her own. The room felt strangely confined all of a sudden, and she wasn't sure whether she wanted to move away from him or not.

"We could take a walk, if you want, down to the field we used to go to," he said finally, it appeared forced from him.

Lily brightened and felt her heart leap, she definitely hadn't expected him to choose something so nostalgic, "That's a great idea Sev! Come on, I wanna be able to spend some time there before it gets dark,".

* * *

The sunset even made the factory dominated Cokeworth skyline look appealing. Lily had never really appreciated how pretty the sun could be until she went to Hogwarts. Watching it rise over the forbidden forest and reflect onto the lake had shown her a beauty she had never known existed while living in Cokeworth. Yet Lily felt maybe she overlooked the prettiness which could be found in her hometown. The correct lighting could even beautify a place which was essentially one big concrete block.

Severus was watching her. She had been aware of it for a while, but hadn't looked at him to acknowledge it. She had spent the past half hour stretched out on the grass, watching the sky slowly change colour above the canopy. Severus sat next to her. The positioning was so reminiscent of the times they spent here as children- when Severus would tell her of Hogwarts- that it had brought out further longing in Lily to not lose him.

"Are you excited to go back to Hogwarts?" She asked, still looking upwards.

"For some things," he said.

She looked at him then. She caught the greedy glint in his eye before he quickly glanced away with a flushed face. This time Lily was the one left watching her friend.

"What aren't you looking forward to?" she asked him, barely more than a whisper.

He shrugged, but said, "Well I'm not excited about seeing most of the students, especially not Potter and his friends,"

Lily rolled her eyes, "are you really thinking about _them_ now?"

When he didn't say anything she pressed, "you know it wouldn't be too hard for you to keep away from them. I know that you're the one to initiate the fights half the time,".

He just frowned. Lily really wanted to sigh but held off, "anything you'll miss about here?"

The initial grimace which came to his face slid off quickly when he glanced around at her. Yet he didn't say what she hoped he would.

Wanting to break the awkward silence which followed Lily asked, "We'll make time for each other this year, right?"

He looked round at her, a strange expression had clouded his features. Lily had no idea what to make of it.

"Yeah," he breathed, "as long as you want us to,".  
Lily wasn't sure why he thought she might not want to, but gave him a smile. He returned it with one of his own. The pair stayed there for a little longer, just enjoying the quiet, until Lily decided she was feeling cold.

"Come on, you can walk me home," she smiled at him.

Without really knowing why, Lily offered her hand to Sev to pull him up off the grass, he looked down at it, confused for a moment before taking it with his own. For such a skinny person he turned out to actually be fairly heavy, and he smirked as Lily tried to lift him. When he suddenly stopped resisting and allowed her to move him, she was not prepared and would have fallen over had Severus not caught her. This left them in an extremely close position, and as a laughing Lily looked up into his eyes she felt a strange twisting in her stomach. She noticed his black eyes were extremely hopeful, and she saw his throat move as he gulped.

Lily considered leaning in. She wasn't sure what had brought it on, maybe it was the knowledge that Severus definitely considered her as more than a friend. Maybe she really was curious about kissing him.

However, she stopped herself, and moved away. She indicated they should go, and attempted to ignore the look of disappointment on Severus's face. She did the sensible thing, in her opinion. There was no way she could consider anything with Sev right now, not when she wasn't sure he would even act like he was her friend in a week or two. His actions over the next few months would be the indication as to whether she should even consider the possibility of her childhood friend as anything more.


	12. Quidditch

Some smuttiness in this chapter, though not full on sex, so look away if you wish. Other than that, happy reading!

* * *

Three days after Marlene sent the letter to her uncle was Gryffindor's first quiddich match of the season. The team came down to breakfast together in full uniform. Dorcas appeared to be turning a very unflattering shade of grey, and even the usually infallibly confident Marlene was looking like she was regretting leaving her bed that morning. James was last to come join them at the table, and if Marlene and Dorcas could be described as nervous it was nothing compared to James. With a jolt in her stomach Lily realised that this was his first match as captain, if things went wrong today it would be on him. He sat down in between Sirius and Peter with his head in his hands.

"He tried to give us a pep talk before breakfast," said Marlene quietly, "but it wasn't very reassuring with his voice was shaking so much,"

"I thought he was feeling so confident about the match," Lily whispered back.

"Yeah but that was days ago," shrugged Dorcas, "now it's actually here for real,"

Lily glanced at him, he wasn't eating anything. He hadn't given away how nervous he was when they were all hanging out last night, nor had he during the ten minutes they had managed to sneak away together. Maybe it had just hit this morning.

When he noticed Lily was looking at him he appeared to make a courageous attempt to smile, though it came out as more of a grimace. She smiled back at him. She felt nervous on his behalf, seeing James Potter lacking confidence in quiddich was quite unsettling.

* * *

Lily noticed Lance as the spectators all walked to the stands and grabbed his arm with a grin. She motioned to the others that she would catch up in a second.

"Hello Lily! I heard you'd become a prefect, congratulations!"

"Thanks," she smiled back, "starting next week I could be annoying you and Dirk during rounds, as well as at Slug Club,"

"I'll make sure he's warned," chuckled Lance.

"Wanna make a bet on the outcome of the match?" Lily asked, "the loser has to cover one of the winner's patrols,"

"And she's already planning to skive off," he mock sighed.

"Only if Ravenclaw lose," Lily said innocently, "do you have such low house pride, Lance?"

"Oh alright then," he said in pretend annoyance, "I should warn you though, I've heard the team has been great in practice."

"I've heard differently," Lily winked before hurrying off to join her fellow Gryffindors. Mary had been thoughtful enough to save her a seat.

Names of the players were announced by the commentator as they flew out to the centre of the pitch. An exceptionally loud cheer followed James's name which Lily imagined he would be feeling particularly smug about. Though it seemed about half the noise was coming from the other three Marauders, who appeared to have obtained some firecrackers from Zonkos. James looked straight up at them and grinned. His eyes then appeared drawn to Lily (at least she thought so, it was hard to tell fully when he was so far away) and he ran a hand through his hair. He flew forward to shake the hand of the Ravenclaw captain.

Lily crossed her fingers on her lap as the quaffle was released and James immediately took possession. It wasn't as if there was any real reason to worry, she knew very well that James was a fantastic player, but she just really wanted the first match as captain to go well for him.

 _And she had Gryffindor pride, of course._

Within two minutes James had already scored. When he did a loop on his broom to show his feelings Lily found herself torn between rolling her eyes or laughing. He really was such a show off. A year ago she would have found herself irritated by the display, now for some reason she just found it endearing. She watched him for a while and marvelled as he skilfully dodged a bludger one of the Ravenclaw beaters aimed at him. She was watching him so intently she almost missed Marlene make a spectacular save down at the Ravenclaw goal posts. Though she cheered along with everyone else. Marlene had been waiting a long time to be put on as keeper, the previous captain had believed her too petite for the role and had favoured large broad shouldered boys. Now Marlene was proving she could do just as good of a job, and Lily couldn't have been more pleased for her.

With Gryffindor up 70-20, James having scored four of Gryffindor's goals, it looked like the team could do no wrong. However, the Ravenclaw beater whom James had avoided before chose that moment to attempt a sneak attack on James, aiming another bludger directly at him. It made contact with a painful sounding thud. Lily found herself unable to stop the indignant yell which escaped her mouth. Luckily, it wasn't _too_ suspicious because the other Marauders also yelled out next to her. Though Mary gave her an odd look. This was no moment to be too concerned about that however, as James was doubled over clutching his chest. Dorcas took the penalty shot which had been awarded to the team, but unfortunately it was caught by the Ravenclaw keeper.

With their best player still in pain, though clearly trying to hold it in and keep going, Gryffindor's chances suddenly looked fairly bleak. Lily really hoped that the seeker would find the snitch soon, she wanted James to be able to go to the hospital wing if he needed. She absent-mindedly chewed her lip as she watched him attempt to get back in play by positioning himself near Dorcas so she could pass to him. Somehow he managed to score another goal in the next ten minutes, though Lily cringed as she watched him clutch his chest after the quaffle soared through the goal post. The five minutes which followed were not so positive as Ravenclaw scored two goals in quick succession.

"…and it appears Stebbings has seen the snitch!" came the voice from the commentator's podium. All eyes quickly sought out the Gryffindor seeker, who definitely appeared to be chasing after the small golden ball. The Ravenclaw seeker had shot off after him at the announcement but Stebbings was too far ahead for her to stand a chance.

"Gryffindor win!" came the announcement across the stadium, everyone around Lily burst into cheers. James flew right up to the stand they were all in and blew Lily a kiss. He was beaming, but she saw him wince as he did a fist pump for the crowd. Lily watched him fly off towards the castle as everyone began to leave the stands, she really hoped he was heading to the hospital wing to get patched up.

* * *

Lily smiled when she saw James enter the Gryffindor common room party. He looked perfectly okay, the matron must have patched him up easily enough. His entrance was met with a cheer as Marlene gave a tipsy announcement, "Hey everyone! Your captain has arrived!". The cocky grin on his face gave Lily the urge to roll her eyes, but she was feeling a little too happy from the mead the other three Marauders had fetched.

After the match the three boys had gone to the hospital wing to ensure James was okay while the girls headed back to the common room. About half an hour later they had come rushing in saying James was fine but would the girls like anything to drink from Hogsmeade for tonight's party. Lily had no idea exactly how the boys were so capable of sneaking out of Hogwarts, but it wasn't as if she was going to turn down the opportunity to benefit from their secrets. Sure enough the boys had come through for them and after dinner they thrust mead and firewhisky into the girls' waiting hands.

The party had been going on for about an hour when James had walked in. Lily would admit she was feeling somewhere between happy and tipsy already. Marlene had insisted they start the night with a shot of firewhisky each, and- despite her opinion that shots should be for later in a party- Lily had joined in. Since then, however, she had just stuck to the mead. Shots _really_ weren't good to start off with.

Now that she had noticed James she was wondering how easy it would be to leave secretly with him. He was the captain, people would be watching him, but surely they would all go back to their own friends at some point. Right now he was surrounded by a group of fourth years who all appeared to be clamouring for his views on the match, and judging by his over the top gestures he was willing to give it. Yet she was sure that if she could get close to him, and whisper certain suggestions in his ear, he would ditch the party in a second.

No, she shouldn't really though. She still wasn't fully sure what she really wanted from James, and it would be stupid to be so public about it until she did.

"Admiring someone, Evans?" Sirius had come over to where the group of girls were stood with a big grin. Lily supposed he had been meaning to whisper to her alone based on how close he was to her ear, but in his already rather drunken state it had come out at full volume.

"Who is Lily looking at?" Mary asked, obviously having heard the implication. This of course also made Marlene pay attention. Marlene, who had had more shots than Lily.

"Ooh who does Lily want to shag?"

"Me, naturally," insisted Sirius quickly, "but I've told you many times Evans, as attractive as we both are, it just wouldn't work between us."

"Your loss I guess, it would've been the hottest night of your sad little life," Lily played along, grateful for the fact that Sirius might be a prat, but at least he was loyal to people he liked. Lily also found herself feeling quite pleased that she seemed to be someone the rather haughty Sirius Black appeared to like.

"Well, come on, I'll get you drunk to make up for it. You're still far too sober," without waiting for her to protest he had grabbed her wrist and pulled her away from the girls. She only just had time to indicate to the girls that she would be back soon.

"Saved your arse," he declared when they were away from the girls.

"You were the one who started it!" Lily couldn't help laughing at his selective memory.

"No, you were the one who started it. You were the one giving the horny eyes to my dear Prongs," he waggled his finger in front of her face in mock disproval.

"Don't know what you mean,"

"Whatever. I've seen him watching you with that very same expression for around two years. Ever since you had that growth spurt and your tits grew a couple of sizes in fourth year," he shamelessly glanced down as he was speaking. Lily covered her chest with her hand, wearing a frown.

"Point is," he continued before she could speak, "if you want Prongs you should go get him. I think he's made it clear he wants you. Plus, the boy really needs to get some,"

He had said this mostly with a tone of mock lecture, but Lily felt he had serious intentions behind his suggestion. He was saying that she should make some effort if she wanted to go out with his friend. While Lily wasn't ready to announce to everyone that she had in fact been snogging James for several weeks, it did make her decide to go find him now, admit she wanted him, and drag him away somewhere private. She left Sirius who quickly became distracted talking to a fifth year girl and tried to locate everyone else. Peter and Remus were sat by the fire playing a card game with the other two (non-Marauder) boys from their dorm. So the boy's dorm would be empty. _Interesting_. The girls appeared to have found a group of boys to get drunk with. Even Mary was looking happy as she chatted to a boy from Hufflepuff who Lily only knew as Cattermole. They might notice her absence but Lily figured they might get distracted enough not to interrogate her about her whereabouts.

Finally, Lily looked over to where James had been sat with the group of admirers. Her stomach clenched as she noticed that he was now alone with a dark haired girl she believed was a fourth year. The girl had one hand on James' arm and was twirling her hair with the other. With an unpleasant twisting in her stomach Lily forced herself to look at James, just because the girl was interested didn't mean he was. Plus, she was a _baby._ Though, he _was_ smiling at the girl as he spoke, and Lily almost walked away then. Yet then she noticed that he was glancing around the room, almost as if looking for a way out, and as the girl started speaking back to him his eyes locked onto Lily. A delighted grin came to his face, and Lily watched him excuse himself and practically come bounding over to her. In that moment Lily wasn't sure why she had been worried for even a second.

"Your dorm is empty," she suggested, biting her lip.

His eyes widened at the implication of her words, "how much have you had to drink?"

"Not a lot," said Lily, smiling. It didn't seem he had either. She supposed he had spent his limited time at the party showing off, mostly.

He grinned at her with his eyes shining, she walked off ahead and he followed. She couldn't bring herself to care in that moment if anyone had seen them.

* * *

 _Oh, he really is such a good kisser_ Lily thought with a moan as he nibbled on her lower lip. She rewarded him with a playful nip of her own as her hands clenched; her nails digging into his back. He gave a huge groan himself and flipped their positions so that he was pressing her into the bed. His kisses began to travel down her neck. She loved her neck being kissed. She was unable to stop herself wriggling against him. This only seemed to spur him on as he sucked and nibbled on her collarbone. She would definitely need to use some glamour spells later; he was surely leaving marks.

He looked up and grinned at her,

"You look flushed," he was obviously trying to sound casual, but it came out sounding a bit too pleased.

"Yeah well, you feel hard," Lily said, pressing her hips up into him.

"Fair point," he let out a chuckle, which turned into a groan as he pulled her close and kissed her again.

His hands drifted to her chest as they had done during many of their classroom trysts, and hers moved under his t-shirt to stroke his back. Lily felt a little strange. When she had brought him up here it had been with the intention of doing more than just snog. While she had not yet gone _all the way_ with anyone she had dated she had gotten very close with Pete during the summer. She hadn't been nervous with Pete, so she couldn't understand why she would be with James. Somehow this felt very different; like it would mean more. She felt fluttery in a way she never had in the past and was unsure why, it wasn't as if she and James were even _really_ official, so far their private interactions had been built on a mutual attraction far more than emotional connection. It just seemed like something would change between them over the next hour or so.

Though, on the plus side she was sure there was no way she could disappoint James in any way. He was a bit pathetic when it came to her after all.

She realised in her nervousness she had drifted off in her own thoughts a little, she found James still perving on her chest, his hands now fully inside her blouse. She must've made the decision to take off said blouse herself as she was unbuttoning it before she had time to think. James' eyes snapped up to hers, and she saw the nerves she was feeling mirrored back at her. She felt the slight squirming in her stomach relax a little. His hands appeared to drift of their own accord to her skirt, which she felt bunch up around her hips as his hands reached her thighs. She reached up to kiss him again.

"I really like you," he almost whispered against her lips, "just thought you should know that,".

Lily felt a nervous flutter in her stomach at his words, but she couldn't deny the smile which pulled at her lips. She reached for the belt of his jeans.

"I kind of figured that over the past year or so,"

He grinned, although she noticed he was intently watching her clumsily undo his belt buckle. He groaned as her hand wrapped around him. He didn't last long as she stroked him, and soon he was clutching her tightly and groaning into the skin of her neck.

After a lot of heavy breathing as he attempted to calm himself he reached his arms around her, pulling her close. His hands once again moved under her skirt. His fingers were clearly not particularly experienced, Lily thought as he touched her, but it didn't appear he was clueless about what he was doing either. With a bit of experimenting and Lily coaxing his fingers to the correct position she found herself soon gasping in pleasure.

The pair lay curled up together for a little while after. It was on Lily's mind that they should both head back downstairs for the rest of the party, but she couldn't bring herself to suggest it, not yet.

"I meant it y'know," James said, "I do really like you, it wasn't just because you took your shirt off,"

Lily laughed, "I know,"

She watched him bite his lip a moment, and he ran his fingers through his hair as he asked, "And you? I don't want to put pressure on you or anything because I know what we agreed. But I just have to know this is going somewhere, right?"

She looked up at him, her breath hitched in her throat at how closely he was watching her.

"Yeah," she smiled at him, "yeah it is. But …I'm still not ready to declare it to the world yet."

She thought she saw disappointment flicker in his eyes as she finished her sentence. He appeared to easily accept it though, maybe instead choosing to focus on the positive.

"C'mon, we should go back downstairs," she said after a little while longer, "we need to drink to catch up with everyone."

He grinned, "You up for a challenge?".

"Of course!"

* * *

"Well, you look shit," said Marlene as she and Mary walked into the Great Hall the following morning.

Lily groaned, "well you're no prize yourself right now,".

It was true, Marlene's usually perfectly curled dark locks were mussed, and she clearly hadn't made any effort to cover the dark circles under her eyes.

"Well, I would've happily stayed in bed longer, but I thought we'd better come find you,"

"That was me actually," interjected Mary, who looked like she may have at least had a shower, "I believe your first response was to give me the finger,"

"Ah details," Marlene waved her off, "What did you get up so early for anyway?"

"Couldn't sleep," Lily shrugged, "needed food," she indicated the toast pile she had selected purely for the stodge value.

"Hmph, well I guess I could eat a fry up," Marlene agreed grumpily.

"Are you sure?" Mary asked warily, helping herself to some tea, "remember what happened last time you drank that much?"

"Yeah, that was gross," Marlene said, but Lily couldn't help but notice she was grinning through the mouthful of bacon, "But I was still at the party when I ate that bowl of chips, it wasn't the next morning."

"And remember how _I_ was left to clean up? And put you to bed?"

"Well, she _was_ passed out, Mary," Lily added fairly, trying not to laugh at Mary's exasperation, "couldn't have the innocent first years finding an OWL student passed out in the common room could we?".

Mary gave her a little uncharacteristic smirk, "well I guess that will be your responsibility now, Miss Prefect,"

Lily paused a moment and eyed Marlene, "do you really need two eggs?"

"Sod off, Lil,"

Luckily for Lily it appeared that Marlene was able to stomach her breakfast well enough, and even looked a little happier by the time the owls arrived with the post. A handsome Eagle Owl landed in front of the three and eyed them with his large amber eyes. He stuck out his leg, looking every bit a true professional rather than a wild animal, this had to be a highly trained ministry owl. Marlene snatched up the envelope he had attached to his leg as Lily offered up a bit of sausage as a reward. The three huddled together as she scanned through it.

"He says that while some members of the Wizengamot are attempting to make the case that they should be allowed back to school he is quite sure he can get himself in there to make sure your testimonies are read. He does say the best option will be to send them straight to him like we thought. It will stop them getting "lost" he says,", Marlene air quoted with her fingers before scanning further, "he also has gone on to say that the Mulciber and Avery families are not as popular as they believe themselves to be,".

She smiled at Lily and Mary as she looked up at last. Lily felt slightly encouraged, maybe they would prevent them coming back. It would be a small victory, but still undeniably _a victory_. She looked at Mary though, who to Lily's pleasure said, "lets send the testimonies to him now, at least someone will have an idea how dangerous they are,".


	13. Hogsmeade

As suggested by reviewer Sarahe6, a summary of the previous chapter; James won the first Quiddich match of the season and at the celebration Lily decided to sneak off for some sexy times with him in his dorm. The next very hungover morning found Lily, Marlene and Mary at breakfast where they received a response from Marlene's uncle.

I can't apologise enough for the unexpected hiatus I've had on this story. I do very much intend to finish, I've just had several months where I haven't had very much time to do any writing, things are looking more positive going forward. I'd like to thank all the people who have favourited/followed this story during the break- I'm surprised you could even find this story since it must've got pushed far down the list- as well as anyone still following from previously.

* * *

While a renewed sense of optimism had awoken in Lily in the weeks following the letter she was trying not to become too carried away. Mr McKinnon could not guarantee anything after all, and it wasn't as if getting rid of Avery and Mulciber would remove all the anti-muggleborn feeling in the school – _Severus came to mind_ – but it felt good to know that some people at the Ministry might be willing to listen to them. Perhaps she had been right in her thinking that those who were following you-know-who were just a band of extremists who did not represent the feelings of the rest of the wizarding world towards muggleborns.

Then again, she had considered that this might be a rather naïve view of the situation; she wasn't _quite_ that sheltered even at Hogwarts. She was very aware that while there _were_ pure-bloods such as James and Marlene who had been brought up with the belief that people were people and magic was magic, there were some at Hogwarts who believed that muggleborns weren't generally as capable as pure and half-bloods, even if they weren't hoping for them to all be wiped out. Lily had also heard tales from fellow muggleborns of their friends looking down on them for still having interests from the muggle world. As if they would just cut off their link to muggles forever once entering Hogwarts, as if muggle hobbies were somehow less worthy. Lucky for Lily the people surrounding her had never been that way, and Sirius Black's obsession for muggles -along with his huge influence on what was cool in the upper Gryffindor years -would have meant no body would say anything even if they were thinking it.

Yet this did niggle at Lily a bit, there were far more muggles in Britain than wizards, would it be so terrible for some of them to take even a small interest in football or films? Her own parents were utterly enthralled by the idea of magic so why wasn't it true the other way around more? She had put this to Marlene once who had just shrugged it off, "It's hardly in the same league as wanting to kill them all Lil."

True. Yet still ignorant.

* * *

Lily was just grateful not to have received any obvious disrespect as a prefect yet. The first time she had walked in to a meeting she had been eyed oddly by a Slytherin 7th year -whom she believed was called Albert Bulstrode- and she _seen_ the Ravenclaw 5th year girl called Dana roll her eyes - _whatever, the girl needed to sort her eyebrows out anyway._ Yet there were plenty of friendly faces such as Dirk and Lance, and Remus was there. She had even received a nod from Margo Greengrass from Slytherin, which surprised Lily as they had never really had much to do with each other even though they were both in the Slug Club. In all honesty Lily had believed Margo to be a bit stuck up.

Plus, there was the benefit that the meetings were an excuse to look at Bertram Aubrey as he was the one who lead the majority of the meetings, with the occasional input from Bates. He _was_ pretty; she and Marlene hadn't been wrong about that. Though as he was speaking Lily did often wonder why she had been so admiring of him a couple of years ago. He spoke in such a condescending manner to some of the prefects, _and_ his fellow head.

"Now, are you _sure_ you'll be able to handle it?" He had asked Bates during the first meeting Lily had attended. This had been in front of all the other prefects. While Lily's first instinct had been to tell him such a comment in front of peers was not fair she had actually managed to rein that in. It was only her first meeting after all; maybe if his behaviour carried on she would say something.

All in all though Lily had decided that she liked being a prefect, it didn't take up too much of her time and she quite enjoyed the power that came with it. She had managed to prevent a couple of fourth year Slytherins hexing a terrified looking first year by merely asking them to move along as she walked back from class with Marlene. She hadn't even needed to pull out her wand.

There was also the benefit that it really did give her a chance to get some alone time with James. At least once a week they could meet in the second-floor classroom as the cheeky sod had suggested. How James got there and back from the common room Lily was not sure, and James wasn't telling her anything. Lily was just glad to be saved from making up excuses for where she was sneaking off to, from what James said his friends didn't seem to question him about it.

"You need to try out the prefect's bathroom," Mary informed her one afternoon when they were lounging in their dorm room, "It's the main thing I miss if I'm being honest."

"I thought you'd love sharing a bathroom with us again," Lily grinned over at her.

Mary snorted, "It's like living with four boys, I don't even want to leave my towels in there most days. My brother actually makes less mess,"

"Give over, its cleaned by the House Elves every day," retorted Beth with a frown.

"Yeah, which makes it more ridiculous how quickly you all mess it up! Make-up everywhere, hair filling the drains-"

She started off on a rant which had Lily biting her lip to stop herself laughing at her neurotic friend. She was glad Marlene was at quiddich practice, she wouldn't have been able to show such restraint. Beth just rolled her eyes.

Still, after hearing Mary describe the swimming pool-like bath Lily couldn't help thinking that checking out the prefect's bathroom did sound appealing. Especially with a certain messy haired quiddich captain.

* * *

"So, think you can meet me there tomorrow evening?" Lily voiced in between furious kisses, "after Hogsmeade?"

"I think that sounds a bloody brilliant idea," James muttered as he moved to kiss her neck.

Lily indulged him in this for a few moments before pushing him away when his hands started creeping along her leg. She giggled at the affronted look which took over his face.

"Tomorrow," she said with one last parting kiss before dashing out the room, leaving a frustrated looking teenage boy in her wake. She loved how he wanted her all the time. Not that she was any better when it came to wanting him, but he didn't need to know too much about that, he was too prone to cockiness.

* * *

Lily had been looking forward to the Christmas Hogsmeade visit as it would mean the term was nearly coming to a close; just Christmas shopping with her friends and a few final classes remained. While she wasn't feeling like dropping out of school like she had almost been last summer- ugliness with the Slytherins aside she'd had a fairly decent term really- she was still happy to get a break from the place. Cokeworth had apparently become a blissful break from reality in Lily's mind. She was looking forward to seeing her mum and dad. As well as Angela and some other people she had hung out with last summer. But most of all she could pretend for a couple of weeks that she was just a normal girl living in the English midlands.

It appeared her mum was looking forward to having her youngest back as Lily received a letter from home the next morning.

 _Lily,_

 _You need to hurry up and come home young lady, your dad won't let me put the tree up without you here. I have all the presents wrapped and ready and can't do anything with them. The man has also decided that he is going to be doing the cooking this year as he is insisting I put my feet up. I wouldn't mind this except he has relied on me for cooking all his life and hasn't a clue what he is doing. I need you to come home so you can supervise him in the kitchen, I'm tired of all the burnt meals he keeps feeding me. Petunia has also informed us that she won't becoming home for Christmas so I'm not getting help there._

 _I've had your friend Angela on the phone to me the other day so you know. She was asking why you hadn't called her at all. I told her you go to a rather old fashioned school and that it was unusual for you to get an opportunity to call anyone. I'm not sure she believed me because she still seemed hurt that she hadn't heard from you at all._

 _Write back to me with the date and time you'll need picking up and we will come get you._

 _Lots of love,_

 _Mum_

Lily rolled her eyes at the last sentence, her mum knew full well when the term ended but as usual she wanted to give Lily a reason to write once more. As she scanned back through the letter Lily couldn't help grinning to herself at the idea of Jack Evans attempting to prepare dinners for her mum. Violet Evans was a lovely woman, but she ruled that house with an iron hold, he must've been working so hard to please her. Further down she frowned at Petunia not coming home, where would she be going? _What if it was mum's last Christmas?_

"Ready to go, Lily?" Marlene asked as she pulled on gloves.

"Yeah," Lily said, grabbing her own coat, "apparently Petunia thinks she's too important for a family Christmas now,"

The other girls bemoaned Petunia suitably in response to this. Her roommates were very familiar with the problems Lily had with her sister, before Petunia had left for London last summer Lily had always had a story to tell them. It was true Lily had always been good at getting back at Petunia when required, the letters she had received from the underage magic office proved that, but the elder sister's rejection had always been a sore point for Lily. It hurt less each year gone by but Petunia not visiting was like a fresh stab in the back.

As she and the other girls walked down to the carriages which would take them to Hogsmeade Lily also considered her mum's comment about Angela. Lily hoped she wasn't too annoyed with her, the last time the two had met up during summer Lily had told her that she most likely wouldn't be able to call. The possibility of putting a letter for Angela with her letters to her parents had been considered but that honestly seemed weirder to Lily, what kind of muggle teenager wrote letters now?

"We're heading to Honeydukes first, just so everyone's clear," Lily announced after they had all climbed into a free carriage. She decided the best thing to do would be to attempt to not worry about something she couldn't help now; better to have a lovely day in Hogsmeade.

"Ooh Lily, you know I said I couldn't buy any more sweets, I swear I gain weight just looking at them," the predictable wail came from Beth.

Lily could see Mary trying her best not to roll her eyes at the girl, a part of Lily couldn't blame her. Beth was a fairly insecure person when it came to her appearance, she always took the longest fretting over makeup in the dorm and every few months or so would announce she was going on a diet. Maybe it didn't help that she didn't really have anyone in the dorm who understood and could talk to her about it. Lily herself was rather confident in how she looked, Marlene would say _vain_ but that was neither here nor there, and besides which Marlene was generally happy herself. The two of them liked makeup and pretty clothes and Lily did check herself a lot, but neither of them had the kind of worry that Beth had. Then there was Mary and Dorcas who didn't care about such things generally. Mary just couldn't be bothered by any of it except on days like today where she was out of school (Lily just thought she got too stressed about things such as cleanliness to have time to worry about anything else), and Dorcas was too much of a tom-boy. It might've seemed weird that it was Dorcas who was the closest to Beth to an outside observer, but it had always been that way since they were 11. Dor had a relaxed attitude which meant she didn't seem to mind dealing with her friend's insecurities.

"We could meet you all in The Three Broomsticks," suggested Dorcas, "though can you grab me some chocolate?" she pulled out her money.

"Will do," said Marlene taking the money, "we'll meet at one for lunch,".

Lily felt a little relieved, if Beth was in a fishing for compliments mood that would be tiresome, and she imagined Dorcas wouldn't appreciate waiting around in some of the girlier shops for all of them.

* * *

"What're you looking at those for?" Mary exclaimed at Marlene as she browsed the cockroach clusters.

"I was considering sending them to Ed," she grinned, "I'd put them in another box though,"

Marlene's brother Edwin had always picked on his little sister. There was a large age gap between the two, by the time Marlene had come to Hogwarts he had already started a full-time job. Yet he had always made time for her and to Lily they appeared to be very close. The result being they knew very well how to wind each other up. Lily often wondered if she and Petunia would've been closer if there had been more than just the two years between them. Maybe the sibling rivalry wouldn't have been as fierce.

After looking around the usual clothes shops the girls often frequented and having found presents for parents, Marlene dragged the other two over to the quiddich supplies shop. Waiting outside was a leather clad Sirius Black, cig in hand, and a slightly peaky looking Remus Lupin.

"Should've guessed you'd all be here," snorted Marlene, "let me guess, the captain is inside?"

"He spent 20 minutes looking at a manual so we figured it would be best to leave him to it," Remus shrugged smiling.

"Peter stayed with him," Sirius said, rolling his eyes.

"Of course," Marlene sniggered as she entered the shop herself.

"Would've thought you would have followed her right in," Sirius smirked at Lily as she reached to grab one of his cigarettes.

"Why would she?" Mary asked, looking at Lily with far too much suspicion in her face.

"Oh, I don't know, Red just seems like she would be into the uniform," Sirius grinned.

"Ooh 'Red', that's witty," Lily mocked, not looking at Mary, "guess clever names aren't inspired by checking out your own reflection,"

"And yet, you're the one who always has that mirror with her," Mary nudged Lily.

"Hey!" Lily laughed, "don't take his side!"

Remus nudged Sirius as he laughed, "If I got you to show them the contents of your bag now what would be in there?"

Sirius shrugged, "I'm not ashamed, nothing wrong with a man taking care of his appearance," he opened the bag for the girls who saw it contained several hair potions and various other beauty products Lily believed were meant with girls in mind.

"I think you've got more products than Beth," Mary said in disbelief as Lily laughed.

"Well one of us should take care of himself in the dorm," Sirius scoffed, "this lot are such a scruffy bunch."

Lily snorted unattractively, and to her mortification this was the moment a grinning James chose to leave the quiddich shop. He looked at her and laughed, she felt the colour rise on her face.

"Such a lady," He grinned.

"And you're a gentleman?" she smirked back.

"Absolutely! I know exactly when one is required to bow to one's superiors, and you would be hard pressed to find a finer ballroom dancer in this school." He said this in a lofty voice.

Sirius gave a bark like laugh at this, "What a prat!"

"Oi! I know all about the lessons you've had with your cousins,"

"All the lessons I've _ruined_ for my cousins you mean," Sirius grinned.

Lily giggled at the two of them as they continued. She knew he was just trying to make her laugh but a niggling thought had entered her brain at James's words. _Ballroom dancing- that was still a thing?_ She knew James was well off (everything from his accent to his confidence to his clothes stank of money) but what sort of upbringing had he experienced to be trained in formal dance? She glanced over at Mary who looked back with an expression Lily didn't fully understand.

As Marlene reappeared clutching a bag with her purchase from the Quiddich shop Mary announced that she was hungry and the three of them departed for the Three Broomsticks for lunch.

* * *

"Have _you_ had ballroom training?" Lily asked Marlene as they waited in a booth for Beth and Dorcas to join them.

Marlene just looked confused, "What you on about?"

Feeling slightly embarrassed she explained about Sirius and James' argument.

"Oh," Marlene laughed, "luckily I haven't been forced into that, but it's quite common in some of the wealthier families, yeah. Pure bloods have gatherings, I think that's the main reason."

Mary rolled her eyes but appeared to shrug it off at that. Possibly dismissing it as another quirk of the world she had found herself pulled into. Lily however was left pondering about James Potter's upbringing and how she would fit into any picture if they were to enter into relationship.


End file.
